Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my husband of 17 years 9/18/18, and it feels like it happened just this morning... I'm lost and so overwhelmed with all the documents and filings and everyone wants a copy of his certificate of death...everytime I send one in it's ripping the scab off my heart. I miss his so much. He fought hard to beat out prostate cancer but at the end he just couldn't fight anymore. He never complained about anything he went through, but I could see the pain in his eyes. As his caregiver this was so hard to see, he served 26 years in the US Army and was a Ranger through and through. I miss the everyday things, cooking for him, washing his clothes, going to the movies and eating popcorn. I want to scream because I'll never feel safe in his arms again, I'll never get to hear his heartbeat again... He was only 66 years old he had so much more to do, we both had big plans...and now I'm alone...yes we had a blended family and our children are here for me, but it's not him... I hurt so much that the pain takes my breath away at times. When he was at home I had scores of family (his siblings) calling and wanting to come see him, which I welcomed but the last few months he slept a lot and they would be offended when I would let them know he was sleeping and they could come by to visit but they would have to wait to see him until he woke up.... and now that he's gone... none have come by and only 3 have called...there are 7 siblings left. Was I wrong for not waking him up when they came by? I have these mixed emotions because 2 of his brothers that live out of state came to see us and they actually helped me getting him to and back home from appointments and did things around the home, but the others would come to visit but never offered to sit with him the minute he needed to be cleaned up they would leave the room... I'm hurt and angry but not sure who I'm angry at or why or is it just me having a pity party because I feel so alone?... I'm sorry for the ranting... I just don't think anyone else understands what I'm feeling and I am wondering if anyone here feels this way?.... God Bless You all... and I'm am so very sorry for your loss, I know your pain all so well...
You did right by letting him rest. it's not unusual for everyone to leave after the loss. It happens. They don't understand.
My best advice would be to just take one day at a time. Go slowly. Grieving takes time. It may not seem so now, but you will get past it. You will reach acceptance and you will adjust. My loss was twelve years ago. I did heal, though I continue to carry him in my heart. I have been able to carve out a life. I joined a bereavement group. I made friends with other widowed friends. it helped .. I never forget the kindness of those who were there for me. This is a wonderful site. Everyone knows how you feel. Visit often. My thoughts are with you for strength and peace. Hugs, Dolores
I also miss being in his arms so much. That was my most happy place. Like you, taking care of things for him ....cooking, laundry, etc were just what I did, and now I feel no purpose.
Tom was also in the Army in the 101st Airborne. It was a very important part of his life.
It has now been eight and a half months since he passed, but today I still feel such pain without him.
Other widows who have a longer time since their loss tell me it gets easier but it'll be the same. Right now I yearn for "the same."