I am exactly the same, look at what has to be done and walk away. I have hired a guy to do the garden within my budget, I do the washing up and laundry but hanging the washing on the line was Steves job, he always said I am too slap dash, now I try to be better at this simple task but it breaks my heart doing the darned job and remembering him doing it. I cant get motivated, I think whats the point. We never had junk food now my grandchild and I have Friday night junk food night, I do feel guilty, but what the heck. I tried to clean out his workshed and fell in a heap. If you find a solution my friend please help me. Your friend Val

Well Im at 18 months and I still do what I feel like doing. Its just not that important so I clean when I feel like it.
Russ

It's been a year for me and for the first 8 months I went non stop. I did not take the time to grieve. So now I do what absolutely has to be done. Pick up the dog waste, do laundry, mow the weeds, make food as needed, fill and empty the dishwasher. Dusting, vacuuming and mopping can wait. At this point the only person you have to answer to is yourself. Do what you aren't to do. Just take care of yourself.
Hugs, Sandi

It must be common to feel the same in these circumstances. I too look around and think 'oh heck, it can wait'. Aside from taking care of the dog, making sure that bills are up-to-date and the pool isn't turning into moldy swamp I can't find any urgency in vacuuming, cleaning, or organizing when I know that they can slide.
At 63 it seems of little use to make long range goals and I haven't been moved to re-invent myself like I had done so many times during my life. With no family to speak of and no children it feels as though I am like that tree falling in the forest with no to hear it.
A year ago when I first lost my husband I initially found myself energized to re-decorate and prepare for "company" but they never came. People seemed somehow to keep their distance from the "widow" as though it was contagious. Short of intruding in others' lives as the singleton, socially, I feel that I may have become a pariah.
Does anyone have a clue?
I think this must be how those nutty people on the "Hoarders" begin their downward spiral - - - sheesh that's a scary thought.
At any rate,"hgsdms" you are definitely not alone. It could be an extension or another stage in the grieving process. I hope so. The lack of energy might even be the body's way of forcing us to take a break and go easy on ourselves.

Yes, that's the way it is and was for me. I am still pretty listless most the time, like why bother, no one will even see it. I have to really be in the mood to get things done. Its not done as often as when he was here either.

I feel the same way. I do what absolutely has to be done - laundry, dishes, take care of my cat. I don't have the motivation with my husband not here to care. Why should I care; no one comes to see it, but me. I watch tv, am online, go to my grief group and Bible study, but not housework. I'm glad to see that others are the same as me. Maybe one day the spirit will move us all to want to do more. Hugs, Norma

"Slippingawayalone", I love your phrase "I am like that tree falling in the forest with no to hear it". That really describes how I feel too. I have no one except a few friends who will invite me to join them for lunch out sometimes, but they are married. Even my husband's family was upset with me because they didn't have "closure" due to the fact that my husband wanted to be cremated with ashes scattered in the mountains. Guess they wanted me to ship him back to the state where we were born, so they could watch me weep and grieve. (And have lunch after the funeral as is the custom back there.) If I sound bitter.........I guess I am.

Oh, yes, I'm right there with you. It's been about a year for me and I have visions of order and loveliness in my house, but they're all in my head. I get very annoyed with myself because of my lethargy, and then I decide to cut myself a break. I'll get to it sometime, but the thing is, it would not even be for visitors. It would be for me, mostly! I do have three dogs and a messy son, so there's only so much I could achieve anyway -- a great excuse, no? Hugs, Alice

I am out a month from my husband's departure and I have days where I don't want to do anything and others where I can do minimal maintenance. My sister came from out of town to visit last week and it was overwhelming to clean and cook, etc. I have managed to go through a very small section of his closet and found that to be too much.

hgsdms: You don't sound bitter to me - you sound like you stand up for yourself and isn't that the thing that will get us through?
My mother-in-law and myself are not on speaking terms because she kept trying to convince my husband "they find cures every day" at the point when he was coming to terms and accepting his journey. He didn't need to be given 'false hope' he needed to be peaceful.
thank you for your post
Alli (Allison)

I am so sorry for your loss. You don't so how long it's been - I am at 3 months and one week. When I went to a counseling session at 12 weeks, the counselor told me that the only thing I need to do right now is enough to survive. Eat, drink, sleep, work. That's it. I think when we are going through this we only think it's our mind and heart - but we are definitely going through physical pain and our bodies aren't complying with we think we should be doing. Take it easy on yourself. I have been doing only what I want/need to do. Laundry, make the bed, empty the dishwasher. I don't worry too much about dusting - who cares! Take care.

... and so, it as been 19 month for me. I found out I "used" to make sure the house was spotless, laundry kept up, meals on the table at regular time everyday. But now I do what needs to be done. His boxes of things gets smaller as I go through them, little by little. My son moved back in with me (separated) 2 1/2 months ago, he is trying to do things I have let go. Yard, etc... he has nervous energy. I have started making sure I have meals at same time everyday, as he lost 30 pounds, before he came here, and has put back on 20 pounds of it. He is doing better....