I lost my husband of 12 yrs on the 4th of July in a 4 wheeler accident. It was so tragic and unexpected. I was literally holding his hand as he took his last breath, being certified in CPR, I instantly knew..everyone who was around was trying to pacify me and say that he was ok, but I knew..I knew. My faith is very strong, I believe nothing or no one can change the time when we are to die, but it was a hard pill to swallow, still. I am 35, he was 36. Our children, 11 and 5. I feel lost, we basically grew into our adulthood together. Our life was simple, we loved each other and our simplicity. We had plans..we had dreams for our children..I wake up now and I don't know where to begin my day, because my days don't feel right without him to talk to, to kiss, to hug, to be a wife to. I feel like all i know how to do is be a wife and a mother, and now what? My children look just like him and i feel so sad for them, they have to grow up without a father. It just seems so unfair. I stare at his pictures and wonder if he is ok, tell him i love him, i worry about his soul, wonder if he sees how sad i am, if he feels bad for leaving us the way he did..i pray for his soul more than i pray for anything. I have happy days, sad days, my faith is my strength. I am being judged by his family who never tried to build a relationship with me on how i am dealing with his death. They want me to be broken down and miserable, but i have two babies, alive and breathing  who are watching me,  and we have to Live our life. Life goes on, it will definitely be different, but it will go on. I know my husband would want me to hold my head up and be strong. I miss him so much, and i feel empty..but God will see me and my children thru this and i will lean not on my own understanding, but trust in the Lord. Just needed to vent to someone other than family