You are not alone. Each and every one of us here on this site are right there with you.

Marie, Please try not to feel like you are all alone. There are many of us here at DS that feel similar (maybe not quite the same) to how you do. I lost my love, my soulmate 7/11/09 - just 2 days before you lost yours. I know this horrible torturous feeling too. It can hit hard and then real hard and just when you think it may be letting up for a bit it smashes you down even harder. To the point where you are at now, writing this post. I also know that I don't have any answers that will make you feel any better - we all know there is only one thing that will and it's gone. But, reading what you went thru and how you feel about your husband tells me something. It says that you are a very caring, loving, thoughtful person. There aren't enough people like you around. We don't know why we are all still here and where this road leads us, I can only hope, pray and believe that it will somehow end up where we all want to be. I think that we can't just find our way alone on our own, but with God's hand and the help of our friends & family we may find it. You have us, your DS family here whenever you would like to talk. My thoughts & prayers are with you. -Sam

Marie, it has been a little over three months for me and each day I miss him more and each day seems more difficult. I thought with the passing of time I would feel better. I was sitting out on the patio this morning looking out on the view that my husband loved so much and I did not cry. I woke up this morning and the very first thought in my head wasn't "He's dead" it was about the second so it's moving down the list. These little steps show me that it does get better. I find my best comfort here and check in each morning to get my daily strength. I know this is the worst thing in life to have to go through and unfortunately we all have to experience it at some point or another. But not alone, this group has proven that over and over.

Marie, I understand what you are saying about feeling alone, even though you have your daughter and grandchildren. Losing your spouse leaves such a unique kind of loneliness. I wish I could say something to make you feel better other than it does get better, eventually. At close to 14 months I find myself still doing the "roller-coaster" thing. I woke up this morning depressed and didn't even know why I wanted to bother getting up, but I did, and a few hours later I was out doing errands feeling really good, and feeling as if Stan was right there with me, and I thought, wow, such a difference in just a couple of hours! We are all struggling through this, so just remember we are here for you, and you can do this! laurabp

I can feel alone even when my kids and grand kids are with me. The feeling of being totally alone does not come from not having people that I love and care about in my life. It is that big empty hole that John left. There is nothing that can fill it. Somehow I have to find out how to be able to live life again, John sized hole and all. I think we all can but it will take time, patience and perseverance. Coming to this site helps me a lot. There is a lot of collective wisdom here as well as understanding and care.

I know what you mean. Sometimes, just when I realise that I seem to be having a good day for a change, that is enough of a remunder that My husband is not here to share it with me and I'm drowned by the pain again. But the truth is that as time goes by it is getting a little bit easier to handle. At least i now know that if the pain hits, sooner or later it will recede and I'll be able to feel better again. Hope you start feeling better soon. A big hug from Sil

I'm so sorry for your loss Marie,

I know it seems like the void is overwhelming & the emptiness all consuming but over time it really is possible to adjust & adapt..
I lost my husband to cancer 10 months ago. I have no kids & am alone for the 1st time in my life. Those 1st months were really hard &
I don't know how I made it through them but I did. I cried a lot, talked to his picture & still do still sleep on the couch with the TV on all night.
I can say that I am starting to get used to being on my own now.
I've had to change my whole outlook & the way I think & live. Learning to cook & live for one, filling the hours I used to spend with my husband. None of it has been easy or fun but I just want you to know that there is a point where it gets easier, so please hold on & don't give up hope. DS is a good place to come when you're lonely. Everybody here understands so well how
hard this is.

My prayers are with you..
Hugs, Cyndi

Oh Marie: I know you feel alone and I am so sorry for your loss. You are not alone, we are all here and your daughter and grandchildren are there as well. Yes, they have each other but they have you too! We are with you 24/7. Just let us know how you are and what you are feeling anytime. Cindy xxoo

understand that statement way to well.
I prayed to die, I pray that GOD would take me from this earth.
After many prayers like that I had a dream, a vision, where I felt Jesus holding onto me and taking me up to heaven. HE stopped in mid air and I never saw HIM face to face either, HIS words were:
"Barbara, I know this is what you want, but I cannot finish taking you with me, for you have a mission on earth that has not been done yet, my child. Until it is I cannot carry you the rest of the way." I could then feel him taking me back down to my body. I was able to see myself as HE was carring me up toward heaven, while HE was talking to me in mid air, and then again as HE was lowing me back into my body"
It was strange, but the words I know is true.

You are not alone, we are all feeling this way for we want to be with our mate, but our mission is not done. I feel our mates mission was done and this was why they were taken before we were.
now we have to continue this life until our mission is done. Remember you are never alone, we just feel we are.
Find something to do, the loneliness may remain, but the lonelyness you are feeling is not true that you are alone.
May you find comfort and peace.

If I was left here to complete a mission, I wish someone would tell me what it is..
I've decided to move to be closer to my mom & step-dad who are old & not in the best of health because maybe my mission is to take care of them or to just be there for 1 when the other passes on. But I'm not looking forward to it. I don't really want to help anyone else I love cross over.
Is it my mission to suffer & watch others suffer for the rest of my life? Because that's all I see in my future. Is this something I'm supposed to master in my lifetime?
I don't know how much more pain I can tolerate.
Truely am conflicted.

Oh my how honest and real....of course you feel like that..you had a great love. Imagine the collective pain of all of us...enveloping you and holding you in our arms with love, caring and most of all understanding.

Kathy

Marie,

Everyone here has given you so much thoughtful advice and caring words. What can I add? That some days feel like that first awful day all over again. That not going forward, not getting out of bed, not starting the day or taking part in this messed up world feels like a much better option than enduring the pain and sadness of being without our love. Being different than what we planned.

Yet, here we are. Let the waves of sadness and loneliness wash over you and embrace them as best you can. Be kind to yourself and know you are not alone. So many of us are right there beside you.

Susan

Hi Marie,
My husband's favorite response to how are you-was still hanging around. Please continue to hang around and hold on. I feel your pain. It has been a long 3 months but I laugh again and I still cry a lot, but DS cares about you. Hold on. I am praying for us both.