I posted something about family in another group and it was suggested I take a look at this group. Didn't realize how raw my pain still is.  My husband died suddenly 4 years ago this June. Someone once told me that we never get over the death we just learn to live with it. I'm feeling like my life is still on a roller coaster at times. It was extremely difficult for me and my four kids losing him suddenly to a massive heart attack at 48 while he was in another state visiting colleges with my son. I spent six months just crying every day. After reading many of your stories here it brings me back to that very day and makes me feel the pain again. I never really liked the words "moving on". Probably because they seem so final like we have to leave them behind. I always just say “I keep moving forward”. I'm in a good place these days and enjoying life again but do take a few steps back occasionally and feel sadness at times. Often wondering where we would be today if he was still alive. After my husband died my extended family; brother and sisters didn't know how to handle it or me. They had certain expectations of me that I couldn't live up to as I was just trying to stay afloat. My sister decided my life had too many issues so she wanted nothing to do with me and my brother expected me to "get over it" quicker than I did. Thankfully I had the support of my two very good friends who saved me. My husband's death changed me. I became a different person. I was independent and now in control of my own life. My brother wrote me a letter 9 months later explaining what I didn't do for him and his children during my husband's passing and how I expected so much of him during that time. Most of that time was a blur and anyone having experienced such a loss knows that you have to give the widow a pass for whatever she/he says or does as they just aren't in their right mind. In that letter, my brother told me to never contact him again. I'm still not sure what I did other than I wasn't there for his kids who were close to my husband. Really, I didn't have time for this in my life. So I opted to distance myself from it because the pain of losing my extended family was just as hard and I was still dealing with the loss of my husband. Last year I was ready to deal with my family and sent each of my siblings a card explaining that I wasn't sure how we got where we are but wanted a relationship with them when they were ready. It's been a year and I haven't heard from any of them. Anyway...I'm feeling a little sad today because my god son is making his communion this weekend and I wasn't invited. I've been sending gifts over the last years and I'm not sure if I should even bother doing it any more. My brother's kids are all under the age of 9 and probably won't remember me over time. My niece doesn't even know me. My dad is 83 and lost his wife, my mother 10 years ago. He understands me and what I've gone through and honestly I can understand what he's been through now too. Before my husband died I didn't. He keeps telling me they'll come around...give them time. But honestly I have little hope. I'm tired of trying and making the effort. Do I just completely move on and leave my family behind including my niece and nephews just to have sanity or do I keep sending gifts trying to stay connected to them?