Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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raininseattle 04/22/2018

I always felt hurt when someone left me, through death, or their own choice. They left me broken with self-doubts, wondering if I have loved them enough. What I have not done right? What could I have had done differently? Can I fix it? Am I being punished? Am I good enough? Do I have anything to offer to somebody else? Is this the end of my happiness as I know it? The question went on and on.

Over time I learned that some things are not meant to work out. It does not matter how hard one works at it, or how badly I wanted it to happen. Things did not turn out as planned. A mistake made that was not forgiven. People turned their backs on me. People thought they knew how to live my life. You know? Bad things happen. And in the aftermath the best thing I could do to myself is to choose to leave. To withdraw the neediness. To choose forgetting. To choose forgiveness.

I had such an experience today. The meetup group I was with was supposed to meet at 11 am. We were to meet at a location I'm not familiar with, but thought it was close. I made a couple of wrong turns, and could not find the spot. By the time I got there it was 10 minutes late. The group had already left. When I got there I was frustrated and mad at myself. Why didn't I leave the house earlier? I was hurt because they wouldn't wait for me. My feeling of abandonment was on red alert. I had two options at that time - either I could choose to drive back home (a logical choice), or try to salvage the nice weather and go on a hike on my own. I chose the latter. It wasn't an easy decision at the time because I don't want to get lost in the woods. However, this trail was pretty straight-forward, so I thought it was worth it to give it a try anyways. I ended up spending an hour there, and picked the path that suited my pace. I felt empowered by this experience. It was a perfect reminder that while being left behind by the group, I could trust and rely on me. I am the only person who will never give up on me, no matter what happened in the past, what is going on now, and will occur in the future.

Here are some pictures I took on the trail today (Apr 22).

simit 04/22/2018

Awww, Eddie, sorry your group left w/out you. continue doing hikes including on your own. you will love the silence, the solitude and get to know nature from so many different angles. When I am with my kids and especially in the forest, I tell them to take a break from chatting and continue walking and listen to nature, the birds, the animals, the reptiles, and if needed, stop, observe and smell. With groups such things can't be done at your own desire and pace. These photos of yours are gorgeous!

Deodarglow 04/22/2018

Good for you Eddie! Don't ever give up on you. You are so right that some things are just not meant to work out. That was something I needed to remember just now. Thanks for the interesting pictures.

staygolden3 04/22/2018

You know Eddie one of my favorite sayings is, “When the wind doesn’t blow your way, simply change your sails.” Well kiddo, you did just that!!!! I am so proud of you!!! You could’ve turned around and went home but no, you went forward and that is a giant step!
I’m glad that you ended up having a good day and your photos are simply beautiful! I’m also glad that you realized that you are your own best friend! Once we start loving and trusting ourselves, the world truly takes on a different view! Thanks for sharing your pics and your story with us today!
Big warm hugs!
Darcie

lovesloons 04/22/2018

Glad you chose the right path for yourself today, you can do anything you set your mind to and I love your pictures, nothing like a hike in the fresh air. You chose wisely.

regwin 04/22/2018

Eddie, I love where you were today, The sky was so blue and all looked peaceful. I think the group left because they thought you changed your mind and decided not to come along. Hugs, Dolores

silverfoxwife 04/22/2018

I joined a walking group occasionally. Each will walk at his/her own pace. They would wait for 10 minutes max and will start walking. Anyone late can join at a different spot up ahead. We walk in the city then into the hill. Sometime I go walking by myself not in secluded area. I believe we all have a personal schedule to keep and not necessary mean to abandon anyone. It is good that you didn't give up but to enjoy nature even it was by yourself.

raininseattle 04/22/2018

Thanks for all your words of support. No fault of what the group did - they did the right thing for moving on. I wrote a short note on the meetup site to explain I was late.

I thought of Whitney Houston's song "When You Believe.". I felt it today. You can find the lyrics and the youtube link here.
https://www.dailystrength.org/journals/when-you-believe-1

shewearsblack17 04/23/2018

I can relate to the fear of abandonment. I think mine stemmed somewhere from my childhood and carried into adulthood. I still have that fear of being left behind. I am learning also that there are times when things don't go as planned and I have to stop and regroup. I need to start walking again - farther than to the mailbox and back.

Patty43076 04/24/2018

Hi eddiei. Iam just. Clearing. To. Type. Sorry. They. Left. You. Pictures. R. Beautifully. My husband. Passed. Jan. In. Jan. Thjs year. So lost. Trying. To survive. So. Hard to be alone wish. You. Well patti

cliffskat 04/24/2018

I think you handled the situation perfectly, and the photos are great!

Love and Hugs,
Martha

lmj90 04/25/2018

Thank you for sharing these great pictures. I am having a very bad day and came on to read and maybe respond to others I may be able to help with a bit of advice or just a hug.. Hmmm well you helped me instead. Thanks Eddie.

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