Hi rajik,

I'm not at the beginning of my grief, but I am still coping with the passing on of my own husband.

My own view is that we (widows & widowers) are trying to exist in the same way of life before the beginning of separation. You mention that you are feeling this way most often, even after two years (so sorry for this). And I, too, still find myself fretful at odd times. And it's not like there was never a time when our husbands lived that we knew not the fear. It is just that to process this dreadful type of emotion is in a constant view now. Yet fear will always exist for any person. And because it's a personal matter at the moment we can't even imagine that fear is very impersonal.

You know what...I believe that your son understands more of what you experience than you expect. I have people of which I love and trust surrounding me on a daily basis, and each one, if I ask them, will offer intelligent conversation, and I still trick myself to believe that they are not listening to me, or they don't have a tiny bit of a clue to what's going on inside of my head. Not always true either. Because fear is a common emotional threat to the world, we each understand it.

Finding peace in the heart and growing stronger takes thousands of seconds, and this is not an easy presentation. What's good is that you try to stay busy and keep at doing things, stay sociable. Don't rush. Get to know yourself better. Even though we do fear we are still intelligent, wise and we have a purpose. Fear is drama.

I hope for you a speedy journey to stand strong; find courage too. And much love to you today!

It could be anxiety or a kind of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, especially if your husband's death was sudden and you were witness to it. It is treatable with counseling and sometimes if necessary medication. I still have those waking up in the middle of the night moments, but thankfully they grew less over time. I still have panic attacks, partly because Cliff's death wasn't the only traumatic event in my life.

As you grow stronger, they should decrease. That being said, if you can get some counseling or join a face-to-face group, that would probably be helpful. It's also a good idea to discuss it with your doctor. For women, some of these symptoms are made worse by hormonal fluctuations, especially around menopause. Unfortunately, a lot of us became widows about the same time as we slid into the change of life. My nightmares became less once I was put on HRT. I have tried various antidepressants, and they have generally backfired on me, but the HRT for my menopause symptoms has helped.

I am sorry for your loss and the fears that go with it, and hope you feel better soon.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

P.S. - One thing that helped me sleep better early on was my sister got me a "body pillow" - it's a long pillow, like a bolster pillow, about 5 feet long. I slept with it next to me. I was used to rolling over and banging into my husband for 30 years; to suddenly roll over into nothing was upsetting and disorienting. With the long pillow, I'd roll over and bump into that instead and it was reassuring. My sleep has never been great, but that pillow did help. That would be a fairly simple thing to try that might give you some comfort. Just a thought....

Hugs...

I am so sorry for your loss I go through the same things coming home to an empty house why is it so hard now. I am hoping that when I get home this will be a bad dream I still want to tell her things lost her suddenly did not have time to say goodbye.

I whish I had an answer for booth of us . Knowing that we lost so much of what was us when you are in love you become 1 and when you lose half of your self I am finding takes time more time than we are willing to wait I lost my better half Oct 1 2015 . This hell of a life I am forced to face alone now people around us do not have the knowledge like unfortunately we have forced upon us lucky them .

may be we can talk or chat some time if not The best I have found for me is to take one day at a time look after your self talk to people who understand . It is so hard to here and not helpful either get on with your life I know we say that to our selves to don't we .

I thought I was getting better after meeting someone but that just was crazy now I am back to the way I was just 6 months after losing my wife

hang on to the days when you can almost smile they do get longer the crying and I did a lot will stop the pain lessens but for me my wife was my direction I am still lost in limbo dazed and confused scared fight or flight going through and gone through things I never knew or wanted to learn as I said hell A hell I thought no one understands . Sorry you had your eyes opened up to this hell

would like to here more of your struggle and how and what positive ways to cope

I not only have trouble leaving the house, but once I'm gone for a few hours, I start getting this odd feeling that I should return. Few people understand. Since my accident, all this has worsened because of all the therapy I have to do. I can't seem to find my new "normal." I am not sure there is such a thing.

I am having the same trouble. I can't get over the fear.

The fear is overwhelming. When I try to handle it, I get thrown back and I can't go on. can anyone help me? What to do-- am going nuts with the fear.

I am stuck with fear. What to do?