Why did you go then? Break ties with her.
Sorry you had a bad day.

I went because it was hosted by the nice brother-in-law. He came from Los Angeles. He's the only one that we kept ties with.

I had a really bad night. It started out alright. Then in evening, all camre stumbling in. All the tears, emotionsI was watching Jackson brown in concert. on tv....... Running on Empty came on..... that did it for me.....

There will always be a time, when you'll run into her.. Maybe she meant well with the hug. having anger is something that happens when we lose a loved one... And a lot of things will come to a peak....You'll find peace along the journey...

I think it was nice that you were even included. I was left alone. Like I didn't exist. We weren't ever included while my husband was alive either. The only time was when we hosted it, then they all came. Since that has stopped I never see anyone anymore. If I ever was, I would go, be graceful, then go home and cry my eyes out.

My husband passed away two months ago. I've had to cut ties with my in-laws. Not something I thought I'd ever do, but they got real ugly towards me after his funeral. My Mother in-law would call and leave nasty messages because I wasn't calling her enough. It seemed that ever time I talked with any of them I felt worse, not because I was sad, but because they weren't very nice and were demanding. I knew they were going through a hard time, but they made me feel like it was my fault they didn't make an effort to spend more time with him when he was alive. We live about an hour from them. I felt that if I was going to get through the loss of my husband I had to do what was best for me. Knowing how his family is my husband would have been ok with me cutting those ties. I do hope things get better between you and your in-laws, it's bad enough having to go through the loss of a loved one, but to have to deal with not so nice or demanding in-laws makes it harder.

I too, have had to cut all ties with my in-laws....they were my family for 49 years,,,,, I never ever thought this would happen. They are a very christian family.....If his mother were still alive, they would have never done and said those things to me.....

I think you did fine. Telling her no was the best thing to do. They sound like my in-laws. I haven't found the need to break off ties, but I did have to distance myself. Especially with one sister in law, who decided she was the one suffering the most since his death. They tried to force me to put others needs ahead of my kids and myself. Didn't work out too well for them.

Sandeestttn and Dmcintyre I know how you feel from each situtaion. I experienced the same thing. My girls and I were also not included when my husband was away on business trips, they were glad to come when we pay. My mother-in-law only thinks of herself. My brother-in-law even said his mother has an acid mouth. Nothing good comes out of her mouth.

Whoa!!! Your MIL is a genuine repitile (narcissist) ~
No joke! I worked w/them when I was in law enforcement. mine were the everyday high functioning psychopaths; the worst are in prison which most people easily identify as such ~
I, too, had a MIL who was a talking head (narcissist)~
Point is, your MIL knows you don't like her & for her own twisted needs of satisfaction/entertainment she humiliates you w/it ~
Nice people do not recognize this behavrior as being sick/corrupted b/c it is unfathomable to their good nature, their sense of right & wrong; their morals; their religion/faith/beliefs ~
Generally, this type of behavior is blown off as: that is her/his nature or s/he is having a bad day or s/he is misunderstood, etc ~
None are true ~
While it seems like a friendly gesture to others, the intention behind demanding a hug or giving a hug is to disarm a person whereby setting them up for a fall ~
Reptiles are the best cons in the world ~
The term con man is derived from "confidence man"; it will manipulate an intended victim w/confidence that it will not hurt you, once they've disramed their victim comes the backhand slap leaving the victim speechless w/acid pouring into their stomach ~
It provides a great pleasure & a heightened sense of superiority watching their victim whither in pain, distress, fear, confusion; it's a major stroke to their ego ~
Some are experts at hiding in the shadows planning out their next attack while others are quick enough to spot an opportunity to strike at any given time; they enjoy catching people off balance ~
They have a bag full of tricks (manipulations); hug, kiss, say nice words instead of being good, lie, steal, cheat, set up a victim, deny their unethical behavior; cause friction w/individuals esp couples & other relationships; put people on the defense by following them around to pick/slight/criticize/dismiss everything a victim says or does to get an edge;get into other's personal business looking for ammunition; covert tactics - focus attention on their victim's interests & hobbies to make them feel unsafe - make friends w/their victim's friends & family to create distrust & insecurity to separate & isolate them from the crowd or use constructive criticism or pleasant words to not draw attention - to feel like the smarter one; blatant rudeness - simply not caring if others see it b/c everyone else is beneath them - still thinking they are the smarter one ~
The list goes on & on & on ~
Basically, they're mentally, emotionally & spiriitually sick ~ Something in their past made them the way they are - they will use their past trauma to manipulate people to gain sympathy to launch an attack. They function only in survival mode. Regardless of it, a good natured person just needs to stay away from them & their abusiveness for their own protection in maintaining good mental health & a happy life ~
.A trained professional is better equipped w/defenses & resources to get them help. It is extremely rare that a psychopath will ask for help. Generally, they have to be arrested to receive it - Sadly, most use it to find more ammunition/information on how to hurt people~

For further info, surf the web for psychopath/sociopath/anti-social personality disorder ~
"Toxic People" by Dr. Lillian Glass (easy reading) ~
"How Could You Do That?" The Abdication of Character, Courage & Conscience by Dr. Laura Schlessinger (easy reading) ~

"The Sociopath Next Door" by Dr. Martha Stout (clinical reading) ~
Interestingly, Dr. Stout's book was found on the coffee table of a 60 something female sociopath who was arrested along w/her partner for marrying then murdering their husband(s) for life insurance money. Not a very good retirement plan ~

There may always be a knee jerk reaction when hearing her name, however, it is survivalable. I hope you are able to heal from the years of abuse you suffered in the hand's of this sicko ~
Take care ~

In addition, build your SELF ESTEEM ~

I'm sorry this might be hurt to hear, but always try to remember your MIL does not care about you or your daughters ~
She will use your daughters to piss you off ~
To control them using their own sense of duty,decency & respect as their grandmother ~
Regardless of who a psychopath is or how they are related, get it out of your life - they will only cause misery ~
Dumbf**ks~ LOL!
And you'll have to buy a flyswatter to fight off your own psychopath, mine is currently being used ~ *wink*
____________________________________________________
I am currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too! But the possibilities are endless! ~me,me,me,me,me,me~

I am sorry you had such a bad time on Father's Day. I don't know your MIL, so I couldn't say if she was trying to make up for previous bad behavior or maybe just trying to be nice because her kids were there, especially your brother-in-law. He may have told her she had to be nice to you. Who knows?

It also sounds like you were already feeling raw and sensitive and stressed before you got there, so I am sure just seeing her didn't help much less the hug, etc.

There are so many stories here about terrible in-laws, mine included. Cliff's parents are dead, his sister we had to disown, and his brother was all that was left to us. His brother came to the funeral, was a pallbearer, and gave a moving eulogy about how important Cliff was in his life, how his big brother had been the real father figure to him. It wasbeautiful. And then he went back to California, and I never heard from him. 30 years we were family, and then - poof! I got tired of all the communication being one-way - me trying to stay in touch. I am not so much mad for me anymore, but my sons really could have used some support from their uncle. I had to write my brother-in-law off.

Grief rewrites your address book.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I have actually forgiven my in-laws, especially MIL. I didn't want to spend my energy on them. She had criticized me from day one on my education level (AA degree only), that I was too skinny or fat (I am not overweight), ugly which I am not, my gray hair which I love. The fact is I tolerated her for over 36 years because I didn't want to cause conflict that my husband had to choose me over her. They still talk badly about one thing that has no relevancy to my husband's character. I am tired of being good and nice to them. I need to be me again. I draw the line and no longer visit them. Thank you all for your support and understanding.