Tru, I am so sorry. Has his Dr. put on something that will help with his violent outbursts? Have you called a Social Worker, they can be so helpful in these situations.

Wishing you the best.
Jen

Oh I am so sorry. My mother was diagnosed with dementia the same year my husband and my father died. We managed to keep her in her house but then made the decision to move her into assisted living after two years.

Don't leap to the conclusion that you have to shoulder this entirely by yourself. At first I thought it was the only option and then I realized not only was it not in my best interest it was not in my mothers. She is in a place where she has friends, the staff are wonderful and she has some semblance of a normal life. Now admittedly she has never been violent but she cannot take care of herself. Do some research contact your local Agency on Aging and see what you can come up with that will work best for both you and your Father.

Hugs,
Val

Tru, you have already been to you-know-where and back with him. He didn't want you with him and it wasn't a good situation - much less safe or healthy - for you. I agree with the others, you need to contact your local social agencies. It's not your obligation to give up your safety to care for him. There are other ways to take care of him besides you doing it personally and outting yourself and your health at risk. You had a heart attack a while back, didn't you? The agencies need to understand that you aren't physically able to care for him without endangering your own health. Please don't think it's your only option.

Keeping you in my good thoughts and prayers....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

My mother was diagnosed with dementia before my husband died and I know too what this diagnosis does to a family. We tried taking care of her at home, but like so often it didn't work. She was hospitalized after hitting my brother's wife repeatedly. She spent 6 months in a health related facility where people can dress and care for themselves. She did amazing and we again tried taking her home. Again she regressed. She lived in a nursing home and the disease progressed.

I know the guilt of placing my mom in a nursing home. But I also know that we did everything we could and putting her there was the only choice we had. We celebrated birthday's there, had holiday meals there with her, and took turns visiting her even when she didn't know who we were. It was awful, but it was the right thing to do.

Consider keeping your job and let others bear some of the responsibility for her care. Personal message me if I can help. Sharon

I'm so very sorry for your situation with dad. I'm not sure what to say, other than my deceased husband had vascular dementia at the end of his days . . to the point I was ready to divorce him as I didn't truly understand what was happening to him. Looking back, I can see it all . . and it wasn't his fault. At the time, I just took offense to everything he did that was semi-violent, or hurtful to me. I've now come to understand it was part of the disease. I suppose I was blessed that his CHF took him before a divorce or separation came to fruition. It was a tough row to hoe without intervention and understanding. That's for sure! I simply didnt "know" the man I had married any longer. I know this is your dad and you have had many years to understand his personality and the digression of his disease, so I would agree with others . . if you can find some outside help, this will be key and golden to maintaining your future sanity. My husband's erratic behavior made me feel insane (bless his heart) and I tried to carry the burden alone. Not good. I wish I would have had the support and understanding I needed at that time. I now know, but it's too late. However, it's not too late for you. Please take care of you, educate yourself on this disease and use all the resources available to you that you can find. I get it . . and am sending you much positive energy to see you through this. My heart breaks for you and others experiencing this with a dear loved one. Hugs, D

My MIL is living in my house. She has full blown dementia/Alzheimers. I am able to work from home (my house is right at our business) so it works. BUT she is very mean. (I completely understand about nursing homes not wanting your dad).
calling a social worker might help. This disease truly makes people say and do awful things and they really don't know what they are doing but it can ruin your memories. I try to forgive my MIL every day but some days I can't stand to even look at her mean face. It's easier for me because she is not my own mother. BTW, it probably wouldn't matter if you had siblings. My brother in law does absolutely nothing.

On my side of the family, I was sure that my brother and I would always be there to take care of each other............but he died 8 weeks before my husband did. So I am an only child now anyway.
I currently visit my mom at her house every day as she is becoming more dependent but she won't come to live with me cause she's scared of MIL.

You can do whatever is required.........you really can. But if possible, try to get your dad in some type of care home for your own sanity.

Some people are living sooooooo long.

I'm so sorry about your dad. Dementia is a tough thing to have to deal with. My husband started to go that way as a result of the toxins in his system affecting his brain...he had liver disease, and toward the end he was having episodes related to what is called hepatic encephalopathy. The weekend that I had to call the ambulance, he was paranoid that I was planning to throw him out. I had been cranky that weekend, out of stress and no sleep, and that is what may have made him think that way. No matter how much I tried to convince him that it was all in his head, nothing worked...it actually made him worse. He was trying to pull electrical wires and fixtures out of the walls, throwing pills around the house, wheeling himself outside in the middle of the night yelling for 'help'...it was devastating. I finally had no choice but to call an ambulance. He didn't want to go, so they didn't take him. When they left, he resumed the same behavior. Finally, the RCMP took him to the hospital under the mental health act. What a horrible memory that was...the last time he was in this house. In the hospital, he seemed to be improving for awhile. Then his condition took a steep decline. 2 months after being admitted, he was gone.
I don't know what you can do for your father. Like Jen said, maybe there is something they can give him. My son is autistic, and prone to violent outbursts...I know it's not the same, but the doctor gives him ativan, which works a little...and since he turned 19, I got him prescription for medical marijuana...were are in the process of experimenting...there are many ways to take it, other than smoking,and the right strain may help your dad...that's just my opinion, mind you...I'm no doctor...Praying for you and hoping for a better outcome. Wendi

Thanks so much all of you for telling me your experiences. It helps. I was thinking about it all day, and decided to let dad stay at home for a long as possible. I know if I have him taken away now, he'll fight to get out. I've already heard stories about the difficulties of finding a nursing home that will take a problem person.

My plan is to call him twice a day. Take ready-to-eat food over 5 days a week. Get a white board for instructions. And hopefully social services can fill in too.

As for my future, I'm going to say I'm not getting this illness.

Tru, social services can set-up the delivery of food, through Meals on Wheels or something similar in your area. Just a thought... hugs....

My father in law was a very sweet man, but became dangerously unhealthy but the facility he was in - whatever meds they had him on he was able to stay with his wife there until he died. They constantly monitored him and adjusted meds....I think towards the end he was so feeble and I know at times he was over medicated (both of them were RNS so she was able to say something). The Dr. there said dementia in time is very hard for others to manage & there are more and more facilities for dementia and alzheimers specifically. So do not feel bad you are not taking care of him.
I wish you both well in this trial.