Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17

My family has good intentions.  I agreed to move back close to them, and well, it's just a slower process than I thought it would be.  They think it's a money issue, but it's more of a time issue.  My emotions are the big culprit here.  I cannot describe the deep pain, the loneliness, the rejection, the fear.  Some days it is hard to even pack a few boxes.  I have to get a vehicle ready to sell.  I have had this 2000 SUV so long that she's almost like a daughter, but she's getting hard to handle, like a rebellious teenager.  Then I have to have an estate sale.  My brother thinks he needs to come up here and rescue me.  Then they want me to get into a retirement community.  I would prefer a house or duplex, but we will see what is available.  I hate to feel like I am on the clock again, as badly as I want to leave here.  The moving company is flexible, but I am starting to wonder if that might even be a scam.  That would be a bad deal.  There also seems to be a holdup on the headstone, which is supposed to be ready by Memorial Day.  I am so into the grief that I feel like I will die if I don't adjust my sails.  The last thing I need right now is judgment, and it has really been dished out.

DDLW
DDLW
Wow, ya know sometimes I feel so very alone that no one understands and the whole moving thing WOW even the car but I go back and forth with selling or keeping so I shipped it back home and its in storage . I understand I get it all I have a moving company too and I wonder they will be here the 16th Ill never be ready at this rate plus I have the whole FBI court thing waiting, waiting I gave up Ill just fly back . I'm sorry so very sorry I'm lost too I wish I had some great advice , I don't we just wake up each day and do the best we can do whatever that may be no judgement I spend most my time hiding in my room not the best way to get through the day but I'm still here. Im just saying HI and I get it so if you want to vent scream cry Im here
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
Maybe you should accept your brother's offer of help. I would tell him exactly what you need help with - like getting the SUV ready, or moving boxes, etc. That way you're still in control, but the job will get done. There is nothing wrong with accepting help. It's what families are supposed to do (they frequently don't).

Procrastinating is just going to make it harder on you. Take loads of photos of anything with emotional significance before you sell it or dispose of it. I had to clear our family home to the bare walls to sell the house and conclude the move to England. I brought very little with me. Emotionally it was very hard. One of the few things that got me through it was having my sisters there. I hope your brother can be supportive and help you get through this.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
I would lose my $630 deposit to the moving company; also my brother is not in good health. This cross country trip might do him in. If all goes as planned, I will have the money to move, but I am not sure if I will have the house cleared and cleaned. The real estate people make me nervous also with lack of communication.
UB4me
UB4me
Sometimes we need to offer ourself patience. Grief is a process. I hope that everyone can surround you with love and understanding. It can also be difficult for us to accept help. God has shown me that healing can come when I accept my brokenness and look to Him. I pray you are given the strength you need to endure. Blessings!
OmaGosh
OmaGosh
Oh dear lady, I'm so sorry. Losing your spouse is so terribly hard; and grief is exhausting. It saps you of your strength.
I hope that you will take it easy on yourself. Do you have to have a deadline for moving? Or is it something you can do at your own pace? If there's a day you have to be out, is there someone in your family or among your friends locally who can help you pack things up? What if you gathered things on a table and told someone what you wanted to pack and what you were going to get rid of and let them do some of the physical work for you? This is exactly the kind of time when you need your friends the most; and I'm sure they want to help you.
I will ask Father to show you what to do and to give you the strength to do it.
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
This was timely. I drove out to the cemetery today, and no headstone. I drove my Durango, and the transmission didn't shift even one time on this 10 mile trip. I guess I could go pop the hood and check the fluid. If it's the tranny, I may not get much for it. I just had this vehicle in the shop! They apparently didn't even test drive it. I am now thinking of putting my move on hold till I save more money. I may ask my son if he wants to rent an apartment with me so I can at least not have my pastor for a landlord. My CT scan was bad news also, so it's more aggressive therapy. I don't have many friends here.
handg
handg
No judgment from my end that's for sure as I have been overwhelmed with house living arrangements for the last 6 years ! Virtual hugs and positive vibes are offered and sent your way xo .
As part of a couple , every major decisions was made as a couple, (who am I kidding, even the flavour of ice cream to get was a decision made as a couple) and I truly think that what may be perceive as procrastinating is actually being overwhelmed by it all .
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
I have had to put things on hold once again when the woman who was going to do my estate sale dropped the ball again. I wasn't overly impressed with her anyway (she had an odor, which I couldn't identify but could guess what it was). Very unprofessional. My son might buy my SUV, but I still have to clear out the duplex - because the only other alternative would be to leave stuff in the house. Then they might give me a bad referral. I do have one person who has offered to help me meet my deadline. We are looking at three weeks unless I change dates again. I expect I will have to, so I can get some extra rounds of therapy in. My sister still isn't speaking to me, so I am kind of in limbo here.