Hello Munmun,
I agree with you that each anniversary date does bring more grief to the surface. The grip on us that it brings is painful. The love that we shared with our partner was such an important part of our life. That is the good news. This path that we are on takes so much of our physical and mental energy. Take the time that you need. Take things breath by breath, minute by minute and hour by hour….and day by day.
For me, tears are cleansing. We understand the pain that you are feeling. I firmly believe that our partners are looking down on us and that they love us even more than when they were here with us.
Munmun, My friend, I raise you up in prayer and I wish you Healing, Peace and Hope for today and for tomorrow and also for all those that are hurting today…….Mark

I remember it so well. I'm praying for you. You will get stronger. Unfortunately, we have to let ourselves go through, its the only way. The harder you love someone the harder you grieve. You have to make your self get up and move. If you don't depression will consume you. Like you I wanted to die. Its been 2 years and 3 months for me. After 24 years with my soulmate and best friend. I'm still standing. I've learned to be independent and strong. I didn't think I'd ever get to this stage. Take your time, cry and let the tears cleanse you soul. Make sure you drink plenty of water to replace the tears. May you be at peace in Jesus name!
Rachel

Dear Munmun, I guess all of us have wondered why this had to happen. As in your case it came so suddenly and unexpected. It is certainly a shock and hard to grasp. I don't believe there is an answer as to why. I just know it takes time to accept. A Bereavement group at church helped me tremendously. I knew that I was not alone. Each person in the group understands your heartache because they too have had their loss. It was a start for me in learning to face this new life on my own. Life, then became much kinder. I certainly will pray for you. Try to be patient and know that you won't always feel as bad as you do now. Eventually you will start to feel a little better. My heart goes out to you. I wish you better days ahead. May peace and strength be with you Hugs, Dolores

Thank you friends . Those words meant a lot . The hope that things will be better one day . I feel depression has already consumed me . Parents are being a big support and I am breathing .But I always would crave to know why it happened . Such a young heart mind soul we were about to start life , something big would have made God to decide this . Ruining a happy life before it started . This is a curse . N I wouldn't know for what fault of mine . This life past life whatever - but such a big punishment . I mostly ask God why him ? And not why me ? He so very much wanted to live his life .

The guilt that maybe I could have done things better that day also grips me so bad that I feel dead wailing and torturing me . Really I could have done anything better ? I had no clue it was anything serious no clue - doctor , my husband they all kept saying it's nothing . I feel so so restless and angry that I didn't read between the lines , I trusted God way too much that he won't do anything bad to us at this phase of life . I dunno where I went wrong . Please please help . I was all alone moving around in the hospital so helplessly begging everyone but it was too late . I have gone through horrific situation as it comes in front of me all the time .

I understand your pain. I have been through something similar. I have been made to understand that our oversoul/higherself has reasons to make this happen even if it seems it wasnt meant to. Its harsh reality of life. I was never ever so broken down in life. I also wished it was me instead of her. God has plans which is hard to understand. Have to find peace within. Prayers to you.