Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Even memories hurt

gtgeo
gtgeo
At 5 months, I am waiting for the time when thinking back on memories won't hurt. I had always written on sympathy cards about hoping that their memories gave them comfort. I didn't know a thing I was talking about then! Do any of you experience the same? I can't get past the gradual losses my sweetheart endured for the last 2 years. Those seem to replay in my thoughts. When my mind goes back to any one of all the great parts of our life together, it hurts so hard I have to physically get up and move my body and hope my mind follows so I can get away from the pain. Is there any time frame when the memories will bring comfort instead?
darjar0
darjar0
Sorry , I don't think there's a time frame. It would be nice if there was, wouldn't it? Just knowing you only have to bear it til a certain time?
I'm at 8 months and it still hurts. Not as much and not always. there are times when the memories do make me smile and some even make me laugh out loud. So there is hope....we just have to keep on keeping on.
Hugs,
Nancy
hgsdms
hgsdms
Wish I knew the answer gtgeo. I too am at 5 months and every memory hurts. I think maybe the pain is a little less sharp, but still very painful. If I were younger, I think I might move to get away from all the physical reminders. Not possible for me, so I just have to hope that things get a little easier at some point.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
The time will come when they will give you comfort instead of tears. I know it's hard, but this is really part of the process of grieving.

Try not to look too far ahead right now and just take those small baby steps. Sharon
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm at 22 months. Some memories still make me cry when I least expect it. But on the whole I can talk about him and smile at some memories. So, even though I hate when people say give it time, it's true.
Maureen
onward1
onward1
I'm at 5 months and on my good days memories are a comfort. On bad days they hurt terrible. Not sure this will ever change, but I've learned from those farther out the bad days soften if not lessen.
MP2B
MP2B
At less than 2 months, I have very little perspective at this point. Most of my memories tend to cut me like a knife. I lost my girl unexpectedly so I can't relate to watching your loved one drift away over time. I did have to walk through that with my wife as she watched her long time best friend who was more like a sister suffer through years of battling breast cancer. She went home almost one year prior to my girl. I guess in some ways I should be grateful that I didn't have to watch my girl suffer like Barb did. I imagine those memories can be painful.