My heart aches for you. I can hear your pain; I know that pain so well. The struggle to go forward is so very difficult alone. Love never dies! Take good care. K

I know it gets better it just has to...wish I could just move forward but lately I just can't for some reason i am stuck in the spot...I really thought I was doing better and then wham it hits so hard that I feel like my body is going to break..hugs to you...

Joe, Justt remember she will always be your everything and your feelings for her will never waiver or lessen. Know that when those weird things, those supernatural happenings occur, that it is your wifes spirit, and she is there for and with you. It doesnt really ever get easier, it just becomes more acceptable, of the fact that our soulmates are no longer here physically. For a minute, in time we are here in the physical flesh,then someday; you will be reunited with her, and then your spirits will soar. Just know that we didnt get here by chance. We are here but for a minute, then our llife in eternity shall begin. You are not alone and we are all here for you. Lean on us, vent and let it all out. Much love and big hugs carla

I know how you feel. I owe my first loyalty to God, but my wife was a close second. For that reason, I can't honestly say she was my "everything", but she was certainly the most important person in this world to me.

I used to regularly thank God for my wife. Now that she's gone, I'm no longer blessed by her presence and have to be thankful (past tense) for the time we had. I wish it could have been far more, and like yourself, I just don't know how to live without her.

Life at this point is just plain hollow. All the joy has went out of it, even though I know I'm supposed to be joyful in all things. I don't really care to live, but I don't want to die. Know what I mean?

I just don't see much purpose in hanging around. I'm not a young man of 20 with a world of potential ahead of him. My life revolved around loving and taking care of her. I don't have friends--only acquaintances and coworkers.

She was my best and only true friend. I don't think this is unusual for men. Women tend to have support groups, but men have their wives. Even the children tended to be closer to her, because she spent far more time raising them. I was busy working.

So where am I going with this? I still want to do some good things in this life. I don't know what the future will bring, but I promised myself I wouldn't make any major changes for six months (now at least a year).

Life is a gift from God. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it at this point, but I'm hoping to do something more than just waste it. I know my wife wouldn't want that.

Joe, I am having the problem in my getting any concept of a future for myself as well... I do not know how to do this, or even face it.
My 1 year mark is in about 1 week..to count exactly hurts too much. If I don't write it in concrete, maybe it will not be as painfully real.
It seems that "others" in our life (my husbands' and mine) will expect something of me- some kind of forward movement. ? and I am not feeling that inside. not hopefulness.
I do not know How that develops inside people who have spent our whole life with one other person.

Hi Joe, Sharing what you're feeling started a great post for me. I agree with all that you and the others have written. I know at 3 1/2 months, I did not know how broken I really was -- for me, it just kept getting worse and then at about 10 months a couple of weeks ago, it is like there are now some days when I perceive some clearing in the storm clouds (who knows, maybe it's just that I'm in the eye of the hurricane). It is odd, I can only see how bad I was doing when I look in the rear view mirror -- I don't seem to see it as I'm going through it -- perhaps a type of self-preservation mode. Finding purpose is so difficult. We all had purpose and then our purpose was torn from us and took a large part of our heart with it. So I also ask, Why am I still here? Again, we have to wait until we get far enough beyond our new purpose to be able to see it in our rear view mirror. I certainly did not see my purpose when I met, then fell in love with my Juanita. But beyond my mere happiness, our union served many purposes which at the time were unknown to either of us -- purpose together beyond our wildest imagination. So I've given up trying to "find" my purpose for still being here. Right now, it is about my survival so I can pursue my remaining purpose once it is brought to me. But honestly, I know I am still too broken-hearted right now to see my purpose right now, but it will be revealed when the time is right in hindsight. And Joe, I'm not trying to push my faith onto anyone, it is absolutely personal with each of us. I will tell you that this whole death thing has humbled me to the point that the old Scott is all but gone, and I know just enough to realize that is when growth can begin. So my old faith, well, it took a direct catastrophic hit. Shook me to my core. But in that rear view mirror, I see that so much of "my faith" came by and through Juanita -- like a type of spiritual crutch to me. We have broken hearts, and broken hearts take time to heal. So for anyone of the Christian persuasion, I give you this YouTube link to listen to the song that helped me through my darkest hours in the beginning of my own grief journey. And so you know, this artist also died of cancer and had spiked hair just like Juanita. I love everyone here so very much, and yes Joe, that includes you and all the rest of the guys here. For this love transcends even gender. ~~~ Scottie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CckIH9fhV4

Joe...Of course you miss your girl...she was your reason for everything you did for 42 years...but now this, and you feel you don't have a reason to do anything...I know it because I live it...but know this, she is the other half of you...did you catch what I just said? She IS the other half of you...present-tense, not past...because she didn't die.
We are not humans having a Spiritual experience...we are Spirits having a human experience...in that experience, there are no coincidences, everything is for a reason...I can tell by your agony that you and her are soul-mates destined to share eternity one day...but she got there before you, and it is for a reason...you are still here, and it is for a reason...your work here is not done..
In a world that loves money and self-serving gratification more than it loves each other, God needs a voice...I believe I have heard that voice loud and clear right here on DS/WW...we have all learned by the fire of grief what the most important thing in life is...and we are here to tell the world.
Every voice is needed...yours too, Joe...come with us!

All of what has been said is true for all of us. We become one after falling in love and building a life together. We grow dependent in our independence relying on our life together. Whether it be 40 years or 5 years we two become one. Time doesn't matter, it's the love through good times and bad that strengthen us.

Suddenly we are left, feeling like half of a whole. But that is where we began. We can't be what we were. Life has changed us. The comfort has disappeared. The good news is that after struggling through the loss we do find we are still whole to move through the remainder of our life. The journey is difficult and painful. The struggle is necessary, as were smaller struggles in our life. But we do it. We learn more and more about ourselves. It's worth fighting for. Sharon

Hey Joe,
I am at seven months now. And believe it or not the intensity does lessen. But the only thing that gets me thru is my faith. I have to believe. I have to believe I will see her again. I have to believe and know she would want me to push thru. If it were possible I know that we would all love to make that trip and we will when our time comes. I believe that those of us who are left back have a purpose for being here. We haven't found it yet but it's there. I know your wife would want you to also find happiness wherever you can during this temporary separation. One of the things I go over In my mind is that I am grateful that it's me going thru this and not her. I would hate to think of her hurting this bad and dealing with this on her own. So look at it this this way we are both taking the bullet for them so they want have to. Just keep hanging in there my friend.
My uncle told me when this first happened that I will never get over it but will learn how to adjust to it. And that's all we can do right now.
Peace, Tim

Joe, I'm so sorry that your hurting and I totally understand the pain.

I look for my love in every corner of my world and he's no where to be found.......he's gone......he evaporated.......I can't find him and I'm desperately aching for him!

Hang on to the hope that there is a reason that you are here, there is a reason!!!!

Warmly,
Roz