Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Excerpts from book (Still Foolin' Em) I just read by Billy Crystal: I think he gets "it."
"So what does death mean to me? Death just means ... no more. No more laughs with my brothers and friends, no more watching my kids grow older. It means no more seeing what amazing things are ahead for my grandchildren, and it means no more Janice and me. That is the hardest part. As I sit here writing and look across the room at Janice, I keep thinking of the most heartbreaking questing: Which one of us will go first? ..... So that's what it comes to. I can't bear to think of life without Janice. I want to go first because I don't want to miss her. That would be a pain far worse than any death. I don't want to miss the way she makes me laugh. I don't want to miss waking up and realizing she's holding my hand while she quietly sleeps. I don't want to miss hugging her when nothing else in the world makes sense. I don't want to miss her finishing my sentences because we're thinking the same thing. I would rather be gone than have to miss her. ... I would like to think there is a heaven and it starts from the happiest day in your life. I'll be 18 and Janice will walk by me....... and it will start all over again. "
"So what does death mean to me? Death just means ... no more. No more laughs with my brothers and friends, no more watching my kids grow older. It means no more seeing what amazing things are ahead for my grandchildren, and it means no more Janice and me. That is the hardest part. As I sit here writing and look across the room at Janice, I keep thinking of the most heartbreaking questing: Which one of us will go first? ..... So that's what it comes to. I can't bear to think of life without Janice. I want to go first because I don't want to miss her. That would be a pain far worse than any death. I don't want to miss the way she makes me laugh. I don't want to miss waking up and realizing she's holding my hand while she quietly sleeps. I don't want to miss hugging her when nothing else in the world makes sense. I don't want to miss her finishing my sentences because we're thinking the same thing. I would rather be gone than have to miss her. ... I would like to think there is a heaven and it starts from the happiest day in your life. I'll be 18 and Janice will walk by me....... and it will start all over again. "
My husband, Ben, after we turned 50, often said, he wanted to go first,
Because he would miss me too much, to go on. I always doubted those words because, he was a strong, protective, joyful, husband and father who made everything in life seem good.
I am now feeling the emotional grief of why he said those words.
Thank you, Rainbow for reminding me of that.
Love and peace,
Sandra
All I know is the constant pain of the loss of my partner is so, so dense inside my heart!
Roz
So, no Billy I wouldn't want to go first. Thats the easy part.
Very well written and I agree, "he get's it"
Thanks for sharing,
I don't think any of us knew what it would be like to lose our soul mates, heaven knows I didn't. Now having experienced it I am with you guys, I wouldn't have wanted my wife to have to experience this. I miss her dearly and maybe it would have been better to go together but how many times does that ever happen? One generally goes before the other. My wife was 4 years older than me and we often joked we would go together, but nobody knows what life holds do we? All i know is she would probably have felt the same if the tables were turned. I believe their grief would equal ours and their thoughts would have been the same.
Thanks again for the book advice, take care all.