I have to be careful. Buying stuff can make a person feel good for a little while. I have never had a problem in the past. I tended more to be the opposite of being a spend thrift. Now stuff seems to pull me in the opposite direction. Before making any big purchases I give myself a time to consider whether I really need the item, whether it is something that I really want and will it add to my comfort and happiness or is it something that I will only appreciate for a little while and then not really care. Most things end up in the latter category. Every now and then I do end up buying some small thing that I really don't need. I really need to stay out of DollarRama.

I was never a shopper but for awhile after he passed I filled a void with shopping thankfully it passed quickly as I am not wealthy .

The first few months after Cliff died, my sister would take me out every weekend to go shopping. I'm not a shopaholic, but she seems to be sometimes. I've been frugal my whole life. But in those early months I was in such a fog half the time that I don't think I was thinking as clearly as usual. Seems like when the fog finally lifted I discovered I'd bought almost a whole new wardrobe! It was almost like someone else had gone out and bought all this stuff because I was not in my right mind and didn't care. This was way out of character for me. But then I was really not myself in those early days...

One thing I used to do when we were strapped for cash (which was most of the time!) and I really wanted something as a treat just for me is I would buy a new lipstick. It was the one thing I knew Cliff and my boys wouldn't be trying to use, and a lipstick won't break the bank. So once a month I would buy a lipstick, and that would be enough to keep me from going overboard elsewhere and still make me feel good. And you can spend a lot of shopping time deciding on the right shade of lipstick...

There is a real danger of over-doing things - whether it's shopping, or drinking, or what have you - to lessen the pain. It's good you brought this up.

Love and Hugs, Martha

It is funny, I have heard several people talk about this urge to shop. I have never in my life been a shopper. I am still not one, but have made a couple of small, out-of-character purchases recently. I guess I can see that if you are person who truly enjoys shopping, it would be very easy to go overboard. Strange things this grief does to us!

Right after losing my husband I bought 7 winter and fall coats. It was within a matter of a few months and I can't even begin to understand why. The worst part is he died in June so summer was just beginning and I'm buying winter/fall coats.

I think it was the feeling of loss and trying to find something that made me feel better. Just so you understand, the purchases did not work in finding peace. I wish I could have found something but it's not something you can buy, you have to work for it. Sharon

I too have been guilty of the whole shopping thing. I ended up with a new wardrobe myself. Anytime there was a great sale I took advantage of it. Only to realize what I was doing was trying to take away that void. It made me feel good for a very short time, but didn't change the situation. My daughter found herself doing the very same thing. So I am learning to do other things to fill that space. Things that won't break the bank. Hiking, gardening, cleaning out the 20 plus years of clutter. That gives me a sense of accomplishment.

Just becareful because it can be dangerous.

When Norm died, I was so sad, I didn't want to shop. There was no reason to get anything new..he wasn't there to appreciate it or tell me how pretty I looked.......I did sell our sectional.we had decided to get rid of it because we couldn't get up as well as we used to****..........it was at that time though when I bought big.........a new leather recliner couch and an oversize leather recliner.............I knew it wasn't a smart purchase at the time but I wanted it to have been in this house before I move......so i did it. Now, I am making payments and that will keep me in a no spending mode I hope.
Too bad you aren't closer , I know someone who wants to give away a big white bird...........lol