I am not sure what the "norm" is but it takes some adjusting to another's personality. Its quite fun at times learning new things with a new person still there is a yearning for the familiar way we knew. We did not chose this path, we are only making the best of it. I think so, I think its very enjoyable having a companion and doing simple things together, watching a movie or eating how but nothing takes away or should take away that you will miss your lost spouse

I can't speak from experience, but many DS members have found a new love - and said you don't stop loving your original mate, but your heart can love again. I have local friends who are widows that married each other 7 yrs. ago. They met at a grief support group and apparently "clicked" right away. They told me they have fun together every day and enjoy each other's company. They are in mid-70s. They say they are blessed to have found "2 soul mates" in their lifetime. I agree with that! Check the "Hopeful Hearts" group here at DS. These are people who are moving forward as you are. Your situation sounds good. Just take your time and enjoy each day!
Hugs - Doye

When I started dating again, it was a big change. After being married and done with the getting to know each other and being comfortable with someone, it is hard to start the whole process over. I just wanted to be comfortable again. But it took a long time for me, probably 5 or 6 months until I felt like this was my normal again. I have now been with that same man for 3 years years, and I am comfortable again. I am crazy in love again. I still love my late husband, still think about him everyday, still have bouts of tears for him.

It takes time to adjust to being with someone else. There will always be a part of you that just wants that old life back, but you also understand this is where your life is now. You will learn to be comfortable in your new life with someone else.

Good luck to you

Lisa

You are all very fortunate to have found someone . I am busy and have done traveling and feel very social but it's been almost 2 1/2 years for me and I just can't visualize finding someone although I would love to have a companion. I seem to not be able to be in the right area to meet someone. I love doing things and am very active but there just aren't many single people, especially men, who live around my area and it is rural. I'm thinking I am probably going to be a one man woman. When you had the best in so many areas how can you find someone else?

I was dating a widower, and we got along great. but it just went puff...I think he wanted more than companionship, after I wouldn't go on a weekend trip with him. I thought we agreed to go slow and easy.

I have thought in the past that many widows and widowers base new relationships on companionship, and go on to marry. It works for many. My granddad and grandmother, Buthene, were like that. He did carry a lot of memories of his first wife, and sometimes Buthene was tired of it. For the most part it worked. They went on vacations together for his business. She was the perfect wife on those occasions, and she also enjoyed her life. She was the perfect Grandmother to me as well. It was not the same as a true love relationship, but grew into a new kind of love that lasted until he died. Buthene never really was the same afterward.

Not sure if this is related to this post, but you got me thinking about relationships based on companionship. It brought back memories. Relationships have different values. We can't base new ones on the values of our previous relationships and expect it to work I guess. I don't even want to think about that yet. If I get married it will be for the money. I want to travel, and be fed lots of diamonds and bling. LOL. I am so kidding, but people keep telling me I'll meet someone else, and that's my reply.

Yikes is what I thought when I read the opening post in this thread. Thank you limasc ( Lisa ) for posting that you are crazy in love again.

MJ46 - does this guy know that you feel like you are in a lifeboat? If he has real feelings for you then you are being terribly dishonest. Personally I will not pursue a serious relationship unless I thought that I could be 'crazy in love' again.

I will agree that it's difficult to meet a special someone, especially if you are older ( like me, lol ) but I don't believe that your expectations should be lower when you consider being with someone again.

@castle - I don't understand what you mean by saying relationships have different values. Maybe it's too early and I just can't see what you mean.

I mean that no two relationships are ever going to be a like. For me I had the fulfillment of the love of my life. If I were to fall in love again, I think it would be more for companionship than my past marriage. It would be a comfortable relationship meeting a different but loving need, and I wouldn't compare it to my past marriage. But, I also don't look at dating the way I have notice others do. Dating is just that. You are going out with others for social reasons. Why do you have to fall in love at all? And, the first few people you date aren't necessarily going to be the new relationship you're looking for are they? What not just go out as friends to start with? Isn't it easier? And, here is the one that will get me in hot water - do you have to fall in love to have a relationship that ends up in bed? Having had that before, would you consider that route?

castlenana, I like the idea of bling! lol Would be nice to not have to worry for once

@ Castle - lol, maybe my comprehension skills are lacking ( programmers like me often read sentences incorrectly ). But that part about getting you in hot water sounded like this to me:

"do you have to fall in love to have a relationship that ends up in bed?"

I would translate to say "it might be ok to go to bed with someone that you are not in love with"

If that is how you meant it, then yikes, better get your shield out!

I might be putting my foot down here in the wrong place in the cow pasture but I feel I also have to respond to Castles line about (does falling in love necessarily mean winding up in bed, (more or less))
I believe that this also basically adheres in part to MJ46s post.
Now please understand that this is strictly my own opinion based on 50 plus years of being married to the only person I will ever truly love and the way we treated each other. Plus being somewhat analytically minded.
Here goes and the terminology I use is blunt . "True love does not require sex. Nor does sex require love. Sex is a biological function for the continuation of the species. Humans have taken this function to be much higher level than it's main intent. But I stand by the first line of my statement that basically true love is a bonding of two peoples souls, spirits, life force, hearts, emotions (or what ever you want to call it) together. It requires a personal deep down inner commitment and attraction to another person and nothing more".
Maybe I have missed one of the requirements but you get the point I hope and the word "attraction" is used rather loosely.
Okay I'm going to run for cover now.

Best Regards, George

I am not sure. I see companionship different then a relationship. Companionship is more friendship. You go out, may travel together.
A relationship is more the friendship has more romance or dating. Not necessary sex. But that may happen if the people involved agree to it.
I think that you are saying that now you are happy with being with this new guy. But you are not sure if you can take another lose.
If this is what you are saying I think that yes this may be what others are feeling and that it is normal to feel this way. I do not think that you will always feel this way. Just enjoy the time you have with him. We are all entitled to having a second love in our lives.

George, I think you said what I wanted to say much more elegantly. Millerb, I threw this line of communication in because I think so many widows and widowers look for the same kind of relationship they had, and nothing less will do. Sometimes people need a distraction in their lives and eventually grow into a relationship with someone that is as deep as George speaks of. But, I do feel that a companionship can grow into a love just as valid and in a special way. The expectations are different, and I think more acceptable for some who already had the soul mate of their life. I have this attitude because of my grandparent's marriage. It was successful and they found a lot of common ground. I hope I didn't really twist things up for you too much, MJ46.