mypenny-My loss is fresher than yours (3 weeks tomorrow) and I suspect that I'm still in the shock phase. Being part of this group is helping me to function while I'm cloaked in the often overwhelming loneliness and sorrow that we all share. I'm glad you're here but so sorry for the circumstances that made that so.

We've all been hit with the number one stressor on Life's Major Stress Chart. From what others have shared through their posts I know that healing is a long process filled with ups and downs. There are days when, like you, I can't stick to a plan. I'm trying to be okay with that.
Since my husband's passing I've re-evaluated what's truly important in Life. So many of the things that I thought really mattered now seem so trivial. I find that lowering my expectations on what I can accomplish when the pain becomes immobilizing helps me get through those bad days.
My wish for you today is that you can allow yourself to say "That plan has been out on hold due to a bad grief day. I'll get to it when I can and that's okay"
I'm with you in spirit.
Ellen J

Mypenny, be gentle with yourself. You are in shock. I remember moving in a fog for months, just putting one foot in front of the other.

Jax, you are wise for having only been here a short time. What you are saying still holds true with me after a year has come and gone. Well, actually this is the second time for my losing a husband. In 2010, I remember thinking that material things no longer mattered. Of course I remarried, and I probably became somewhat materialistic again, to a degree, and then that husband was also gone (2016). I have put what I call the "headstone project" on hold three times already, due to different things. It would be nice to have it done by this Memorial Day, but if it isn't, that will be okay. The Mourners Bill of Rights states that we have the right to be tolerant of our physical and emotional limits. I do what I can, when I can. Last night I jumped in and started rearranging my living room furniture. I should have waited, because it was a more strenuous job than I thought it would be. I told my friend who came over that I had "tore up Jack." Sorry; I know that was your husband's name, but it's an old expression. I did not get it all done, and today I am sore. You can definitely say that I have lowered my expectations. ** The rest of that expression is "and pulled out Jeannie's ponytail." Stress has played havoc with my hair also; I actually ordered a small hairpiece, but I don't have high hopes that it will help LOL.

Thank you ladies..I am used to being on the go...We were going to drs...chemo...surgeries, and tests. I did volunteer work in the winter...I have signed up to start volunteering again....Helping others is a blessing to them and to me...Ellen you are starting a journey that will be a mix of emotions... Share them here and with a caring person who knows first hand what your loss it's like ..Many care but few understand exactly what we are feeling..Thanks shewearsblack..I didn't know there was a Mourners Bill of Rights..I went to three different places for a headstone...I couldn't believe the difference in costs for what designed.... God Bless

Hi My Penny, People are right when they say it takes time, lots of time. One year is not enough time to feel okay. Reality has finally struck. This is a LONG journey. I would never have gotten through it without the prayers of my friends. You will get through it though. I am praying for you now.