Go with how you feel ptorres. If you don't want to go.....don't. They will just have to understand.

Guess what, it's been 28 months for me and the very thought of all the clammer, chit-chat, hugging, kissing and questions makes me feel anxious.

I was always the most social and ready to party girl......not so much right now!

I try fighting these feelings and force myself to go and wind-up leaving early, feeling weepy, or just plain sad.

We have to trust our gut instincts and stop fighting it for everyone else......at least, I do! I used to be a huge "people pleaser", again, not so much anymore!

I would go out FOR THEM, to make THEM happy. If my friends and family don't GET IT and, I hope they're NEVER faced with these feelings......I can't be responsible for their feelings.....I'm too busy trying to survive with my own!

Roz

Then don't go. Do what YOU want and whats in your heart. Don't be afraid of hurting their feelings They will understand either way. My hubby's birthday is tomorrow and I've been flip flopping all day upon what to do. Still don't know. I know I don't want a group though...I think...Good luck Trust your instincts.
Hugs
Darcie

ptorres, Tough time when these anniversary dates come, since they use to be something to look forward to. August is a rough month for me as well, with at least ten days marking a trail of tragic events and then my husband's death. I don't have the option to be with friends or family. Follow your heart and be gentle to yourself. This is the time to do what is good for you. Wishing you peace. pj1952

There is no right or wrong way to handle this. It's sure to be a tough couple of days for you. Do what you feel like doing at the time. Hugs, Michele

Trust your instincts. If you think it is too soon, then it is. It really is hard to face these occasions. My late husband and I used to celebrate our birthdays together since they were only a week apart. I have told people i can't even acknowledge these days, this year. At 7 months the day to day stuff is hard enough. Hugs, Patti

I understand this. My birthday is one day before what was going to be our wedding. I found so many surprises on Danny's computer that he had in store for me. Celebrating any of these dates is not possible now. I know our friends and family think they are doing something nice but they really can't understand why we just want to move passed these special days. Stay strong

We were married on my wife's birthday. That is coming in a few months, so I haven't exactly faced this yet. But we did have Mother's Day. I decided to have an event with just me and my kids, doing what we often did on Mother's Day--pottery painting. I did decide that we go on the Saturday before, because I wasn't sure I could stand seeing all the mothers who would be there for Mother's Day.

I might do something for her birthday/our anniversary. Some relatives lived too far away to make the memorial service, so I might have one near that cluster of relatives.

You have to do what make you feel comfortable.
It would have been our 38th wedding anniversary on 8/13 and It will be my Tim's 2nd heavenly birthday on 8/21.
For me I find comfort in talking about him. I get so tired of people avoiding talking about him. He existed and his memory needs to be kept alive and the only way to do that is to talk about him.
My thoughts and prayers are with you on these two difficult days coming up.
Hugs, Sandi

Go with how you feel. In my experience, when family wanted to "get together" in March I knew it would be hard... but I tried it anyway. It was a thousand times harder than I had expected. When they then wanted to have a "father's day" get together... I outright said no. This was my first father's day without the father of my children. There was absolutely NOTHING to celebrate. One person made the error of telling me that since they were planning it a few weeks ahead of time that I would surely "be fine by then". I shouldn't have had to explain that no matter how many weeks would pass, it was still going to be the first father's day without him, but I did. I then told her to leave me alone, and when I felt like coming to events and occasions I would let them know.
It sounds like you have people in your life who understand this will be difficult for you. Thank them, and go with how you feel. Do not force yourself to do what anyone thinks you should do.

I totally agree, that you do what feels best for you.

Sandi, I also understand where you are coming from. As time goes bye, it seems like people avoid saying anything & for me I yearn to hear his name, and it's as if he's gone and forgotten. But I will never
forget. Like you I talk to Larry daily.

Take care

go with what feels right for you. My husbands b.day was the day after his two month anniversary of passing. I was orginally going to spend it alone, but then decided to invite a few people to meet at the cemetary and then on to a luncheon at a local restaurant that he liked. It was much more peaceful than I expected and while we did discuss him, it was not morbid or depressing. I toasted his life at the beginning of the meal and we sat and ate and even laughed a bit. I'm not saying this is the right choice for you, but I wanted to let you know it can be ok. For me the important thing was the kept the amount of people small and only invited people that truely appreciated the man my husband was. If that left some hurt feelings, so be it. It was my day and I ended it as peaceful as possible. But as others have said, whatever brings you a moment of peace will be the right thing to do.

First you should count your blessings that you are surrounded by people who want to be there for you on these special days. it is true that they have no idea of how to help you or what to say to you. but the fact they want to be with you and acknowledge these days can be difficult speaks volumes about how much they care for you. If you are not up to going then by all means you should let them know that you are not yet up to celebrating. I just passed our 1st anniversary after Jeanne death it was our 39 th anniversary, I agonized what I was going to do. I finally decided to celebrate the day instead of mourning it. At the end of the day I found some peace and happiness. I will tell you the next day my world came crashing in and I grieved intensely. Happy Anniversary and happy Birthday to your husband

Ive always felt that anniversaries were private between the two spouses. Maybe use that day to just think about your wife, look at photos of your life together, reminisce, cry for her, talk with with her.
Then on her birthday, maybe get a very small, intimate group of only those who truly loved her and are grieving for her to go to her favorite restaurant. Your sorrow will not need to be talked about, as they are feeling it too. You can focus on celebrating the wonderful person she was for 49 years, talk about her, and keep her memory alive. I think the key would be to have a small group, where you dont feel like you have to socialize" or be the center of attention. Make it about her, and not you, if you can. Would she have wanted some loved ones to get together in her honor?
Of course, if youre not up for it, you get a Pass to not do anything. Hugs!