Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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calgaryhair 05/19/2015

My husband passed away January 31, 2015. We had a Celebration of life with a reception about a week later. Everyone knows how hard that day was. How emotional and difficult it was. We had my husband cremated and with dealing with lawyers, banks etc., we just finally scattered the ashes this past weekend. Oh boy, I highly recommend , do Not do what we did and leave it for a few months later!! Both my Son and I feel we went through another funeral and we mourned all over again and in some ways feel we have to start all over again!! How wrong I was and over confident that hey we will be fine. The time came and we both were an absolute mess. Thank God we had family with us who were there to support us. We had a BBQ after which felt like another reception with people hugging us and saying how sorry they were. I apologized to my son because I felt that I should have insisted we do it soon after but even he said he had no idea it would be this hard. Honestly loosing my husband has been the hardest thing I have ever had to experience. As everyone here would agree. For the rest of my life I will have so much empathy for anyone who ever looses a loved one. Please do not do what I did. It hurts too much!! Love, Diane

tiger1962 05/19/2015

Diane,

Really sorry you had to go through this. I am still trying to find a place for my wife's ashes which are with the funeral home. Guess I have to go through this again. I am glad you have your son with you. I will not have any family member with me. Her brother refused to come. Guess I need to find friends to help. Tiger

laney77 05/19/2015

Oh Diane, Now I'm scared. My dad died on March 11th. His wife is planning to scatter his ashes and have a TWO day celebration of life that includes a parade and fireworks display!! All of this will be on July 10th. Now that I have read your post I'm terrified that this even will be a huge step backward for all of us. Thank you for sharing and I am so sorry for your loss. Lori

calgaryhair 05/19/2015

I am sorry if I scared you. I didn't mean to scare anyone. We are all different souls but the plans in place for your Dad sounds like Fun!!! Fireworks and a parade? Different in my case as there was family at the Scatter of ashes that were not at the first Celebration. Your plans are not morbid in any way! Doubt anyone will feel like crying. I repeat, sounds like fun and what a celebration!! Makes me want to be there with you!

slimbear 05/19/2015

Sorry it hurt so much. But don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes things like that are unavoidable. We have family on the west coast and the east coast, so we're having our second memorial service next month, for those who missed the first one. I'm OK with it because I know my wife would have wanted this. Being OK doesn't mean I won't be sad, though. I have some feeling I might cry more than the first one.

KimKos 05/19/2015

Its just such a fricken roller coaster....I had never planned to keep my husbands ashes...He died on a Monday and on Wednesday we did a casket viewing...the service and then cremation...I had his ashes home by Thursday....his urn was beautiful ..it sat next to my bed for a year. I had purchased a niche at the cemetery a month after his death and didn't bring him there til the 1 year anniversary. I put him in the car...drove us to the cemetery...they opened the niche and I put him in there and stayed with him until they sealed it up...that was a me and him day..as I go forward I find myself blown away by certain events but when It passes I actually feel better...I kept his T shirts for over 2 years and then had them made into blankets..I was so excited when they came back but when I opened that box it was like his dead body was in there I was not prepared for that emotion....I love it now but whew...I just feel a little comfort knowing if I really have a real bad day I could wrap myself in it. I got very emotional when I sold his motorcycle and 6 months after that I get a surprise of a very important custom piece returned to me...again it was overwhelming like it was his dead body...now a few weeks later I look at that piece on display on his dresser and smile...it really is beautiful...I guess what I am trying to say is Nothing really will ever hurt us as bad as the real loss and things will come up that smack us in the face at the moment..yet they settle quicker and atleast for me a very nice serene feeling follows. My biggest will be when I leave this house for good..its not in my immediate future but I know its there....he passed in our room..do I close the door..leave it open...turn around....why am I thinking about this...sending hugs..love and running out of here for now..xxoo

hgsdms 05/19/2015

I'm so sorry that scattering the ashes made you feel so sad. My husband died in March 2014 and I scattered his ashes in September. A friend drove me up into the mountains and stood by as I scattered his ashes and those of our dogs who had died before him. Those were his wishes and strangely enough as I scattered them all, I felt at peace. I thanked them all for sharing their lives with me, and my friend drove me back down the mountain. It was a bit sad but mostly peaceful. Big hugs to you.

bookdragon 05/19/2015

My kids and i are going to the mountains on Father's Day and scattering Larry's ashes. I am keeping it just us even though people have asked it they can come. I really felt the funeral was for them and this is for us. Make sense? I am hoping i do not have your experience. I feel for you Calgary! Patti

Shrn 05/19/2015

I think every step causes pain in this journey. Whether scattering the ashes early or later. You chose what felt right for you at the time. Don't second guess your decision, because waiting might have caused you the same feelings. We take baby steps in the midst of our pain and that's all we can do. Sharon

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