Maybe you should contact them. They might be thinking that they would be just dredging up painful memories unnecessarily by calling you.
Steve

I think Steve has a good point. My girlfriend introduced the subject by calling to say "I know this is a difficult day for you" I thought that was good. People think that "dwelling" on it might hurt you. It's hard for them to know what to do Honey. If it bothers you, and they are friends, call them and say that you are sad today and would like to talk. Forgive them. I think they are afraid to bring it up.

Hope you are ok.

I hate to say this so bluntly - but you will be the one that remembers- not others. They may remember the one year anniversary or a birthday - that will probably be it. Friends are not going to call you every month on the 19th - they have their own lives and unfortunately or fortunately - life goes on.
They are not ignoring the date - but this was not their spouse.

I will join you in a toast tonight to your husband - he is now with mine and maybe they will toast us!

Sorry about your loss, it is hard to see days go by without our loved ones by our side.
Dates... They are not easy, especially at the beginning on this journey.
For me every night 5 p.m. was significant time for a while, but it did not mean that I expected my daily pain to be recognized and shared by others. Just being realistic.
From your post I read that you have a great support system, and that your family and friends have been there for you. Well, just remember that, as grievers often times over wrapped up into our pain, , and
expect more than our friends can give because they also deal with their everyday stress, and responsibilities. Besides, very many
here share that they alone in this painful journey, not much support from anyone. You are blessed.
I would contact your family or friends and mentioned about it, meet them half way and tell them how you feel today. I am sure, some
would offer to visit, or taking you out.
Peace to your heart and gratitude to your mind for those who offer their shoulder to cry. . Not everybody has that, friendship is a gift to be cherished.

Hug

Sweet Lucy,

I Agree with both Steve and Vicki, and also agree with notegirl.

It is very possible that people don'
t want to make you even more sad than you already are with the remembering of it all.

I remember that for months i'd wake up at a round 1:01 every night, give or take a few minutes. That's the minute that
Greg took his very last breath. I remember in great detail my bro in law pytting his hand on my shoulder saying that he was gone, but I remember telling him that he had one more breath and i was NOT letting go until that happened. over my shoulder the nurse called the time of death at 1:01. some things....you NEVER FORGET.

I tell you this sweetie, because, no one else in the family remembers the time. They LOVED Greg fully and me too! But i do not get calls on the third. I did not get call on any of them. doesn't mean they don't care or love me or him. It means something VERY different to US and alsways will sweet friend. That's why we come here to get it out. Because everyone here gets what you are saying and it is NOT complaining. It is FEELING. And rememberinjg what to us is the most important moment that changed our lives dear friend. There is a void in their lives and they grieve but our WORLD was changed. We can't understand why they can go on and they don't understand why sometimes we CAN'T.

But we know they LOVE us. and that? As comfortablynumb said is a true GIFT. Call them dear friend, and tell them YOU need to talk. they sound like great people and I bet they surprise you...and LISTEN.

And you KNOW we always WILL HUGS and I'll have one for you too tonight. Love, Diane

My husband died October 19, 2011, so you will be sharing a difficult day with me. Outwardly, for the most part, I look and act normally to my friends and co-workers. Inside, my heart is still shattered and I am still sad beyond belief.

I am sorry to hear this pattern of behavior, that you described lends itself to added conflict for you. I understand feeling conflicted. It sounds to me that...On one hand you realize the value of those who have shown consistent care for you AND on the other hand you struggle with unspoken wishes you have that are not being met.

I agree it would be helpful to discuss what you need with those whom you have this issue with. I do not hear you complaining, whatsoever. Venting maybe or trying to find a solution perhaps. I can only imagine it is difficult for you to endure these significant dates as this much longer, which mark milestones in your progress, and simultaneously reminds you of the absence of your beloved husband.

Quite a dilemma. Solvable though. Make your needs known to your support system people. Then and only then will you truly know the reasons behind the silence demonstrated by them, which has produced this unresolved issue, that you will have NO answers to until you decide to communicate your valid needs. Hope that made sense.

(((HUGS)))

Genuinely,
BEAR

Dear sweet Amy...you're probably being remembered by your friends and loved ones every day, but (as Steve wisely said) they may think it will upset you if they mention the loss of your beloved husband.
I've had very dear people say to me, "I didn't want to make you re-hash the heartache"...and they were sincere and kind, but not in my shoes, so I can't find fault with anyone.
So instead of calling to talk about your loss, avoiding the subject completely is the only response some folks can offer.
Why not call a trusted friend and share your feelings...or come to us right here...we know how hard it is trying to cope when your world has been turned upside down. And take care of your little Lucy-beagle!
Blessings and hugs, Nancy

I guess there are several of us here that will be toasting your husband and ours tonight. My Danny passed on 2 months ago today official time listed at 6:35 p.m. In April the 19th was a Thursday. In the past 2 months each Thursday has been sad for me, and in May the 19th was also hard and then of course today also. I figure it will be that way for quite some time. I have had a few people contact me each Thursday the first couple of weeks after, and on May 19 and then today I had 2 of my children call. They didn't say anything specific but I know they remembered what day it is.
I don't know why your family or friends haven't contacted you....but I would bet they are remembering you and your husband today. Remember as you toast your dear husband tonight that the people here at DS are certainly with you tonight.
Janice

Thank you all - I thought I posted a response, but must have hit the wrong button -- I'm off my game today, that's for sure. I think it started when I went to the doctor for a check up and ended up in the same chair where Bob received his diagnosis. I kept it together there, but have spent the time since reliving those awful months leading to his death. Feeling mighty sorry for myself - for both of us actually. It was such an ugly time.

I am deeply grateful to those around me. I will call the one who always comes running and ask for some company tonight.

Thank you all for being here and letting me vent.

I will raise a glass for all of us tonight -- with love and thanks from me and Lucy and now little Ricki.

This is My Note to You. Please know, that Someone, Some where in the World, is Thinking of You Tonight. That Someone is Me.
Peace to You Tonight.

Bloomfield33

I'm sorry also, but I have to agree with notegirl. Unless its' your spouse people just don't think of it or remember.
You can only count on you, then you won't be disapointed.
Hugs,
JoAnn

Lucy,
Thinking of you and knowing you greatly appreciate your support system, but you're having a tender day.
I know sometimes I feel the same way even though I have wonderful support-----I sometimes feel a lacking----then I realize I often don't remember some of my friend's tough times like I should either----living this life without my husband by my side has made me more sensitive and thoughtful----but I do sometimes fail my friends. One thing I DO know though, when some one says they didn't want to bring up memories of specific dates because it might make us sad----it's "crazy" talk----we don't forget specific dates---
Hugs to you,
Sallie

I confess, I don't even notice the 'month anniversaries' of my own dear husband's death. I don't care to, and I don't pay much attention. On the other hand, I know the one-year will be a different story. And birthdays, holidays, weddings and the like. All just awful.
You're feeling tender today, and believe me, I get it. But I'm not sure it's insensitive for our loved ones to pass over each 'month anniversary' without notes and phone calls. As I said, I don't even take note of them about my own husband, and believe me, no one loved their husband more than me, nor misses them more.