Wombat I can really relate to the need to talk. Lost my wife of 36 years about 3 months ago. I also have no one to talk to directly about how I feel and would like to have the face to face talk. With covid it seems improbable that is going to happen. Anniversary's are going to be rough for a long time from what I have gathered from reading all of the reply's to many people. I found some comfort in the journal area. Writing down how you feel either private or public seemed to help me. My wife was also a huge part of my life and I miss her terribly but I can't change the fact that she is gone and I am still here. A good point someone made to me as I was her primary care giver at home for 3 to 4 years was that I took care of her and now it was time to take care of myself. Memories are all we have now and they both hurt and help but I think that people may not be able to understand and a lot of things we don't understand we just shut out or put aside to deal with later. Some one who has gone through what we are going through can understand, those who haven't I really hope they never have to but if they reach out here there are people that can help. Keep in touch. I feel your loss and am sorry you are having this difficulty.

Thank you samwise1234... I thank you for reaching out.

I am sorry for your very recent loss , I remember those early days only too vivdly. Even though I knew my beloved was going to die, when it did happen it felt my world imploded.
I came to the acceptance quite some time ago that he is not coming home, that this is my life now and that took some getting used to. I also made up my mind that the best way to honor my husbands life was to live my life as best I can..this I endeavour to do every day.
However this dosn't detract from the fact that a huge part of my life went with him.
Dennis' was diagnosed on April 9th 2018 and died on June 7th 2019. We had 13 months of glorious memory making time together...he was fortunate and didnt get really sick until the 14th month and not terribly sick until the last week. Mesothelioma is a cruel disease from which there is no recovery at all, it is always a death sentence.
I live alone now with my two doggies , both of whom have come into my life since Dennis passed. They are such a comfort and it helps having two other heartbeats in the house..I would be so lost without them now.
I find that people dont bring Dennis up in conversation, I think they feel they are sparing my feelings but ironically this is more hurtful to me. He was such a big part of my life and the need to talk about him is still there. I do bring him up in conversation a lot...because I still need to...I think on some level I am still processing what happened to us and talking about it helps tremendously...
Again...thank you

Hi Wombatforever.

I understand, and I'm glad that you came in for support. What I've learned, through my own widowed experience, is that people develop understanding as they listen, though many don't actively listen as supposed to. I had one sister that I chatted with and she was a real talker; I mean on and on and on, never listening! But the thing is that she was talking about my problems of grief in a compassionate way, which did mean something of importance to my healing. So yes, it is a good idea to push in your comments where you have listening ears and reading eyes. Your Dennis is still a very precious part of your life. I am so sad about your hurt during this loss. So gather up your sweet and sour thoughts and post frequently. Writing is a healthy outlet for storing memories and happy thoughts.

As I've expressed today (another poster) a Higher Power is what pulled me through days of agony, loneliness, and depressive spells. Only God can fully help you make sense of the now, the past, and the future. Cling to your faith and trust in Him. I pray for you today. And may Dennis rest in the peace of your love, shared love.

Best of hugs!

I get it. I'm not especially close to my family or late Husband's but the other issue is /was he was an alcoholic. I loved him, but was actually planning on leaving him when he told me of his cancer diagnosis. I suspect people knew he was an alcoholic, but...who wants to hear about that?