Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Doing normal things

violet1213
violet1213
Today is the really the first day of doing normal things since stephen's passing on the 11th of Jan., I'm changing sheets, washing, cleaning, etc. It feels normal as he wasn't around when I was doing these things, however he was who I was doing these things for. I loved having everything "perfect" for him when he came home from work, dinner ready, etc. Now I don't know why to do all these everyday things. I always feel so sad. We took joy in everything as a couple, I know it will take time but I want to feel joy again.
Lady101
Lady101
I so understand. When you lose your love and best friend...what's the point of anything.

One of my greatest memories that I am trying to hang onto is of my husband saying to me, many time over the years, " you make such a wonderful home for us and everyday I look forward to getting home to you". Those words are one of the few reasons I get out of bed everyday and keep my home the way I always did.

I loved to cook and make special meals, especially for friday night date night, and he had just had my kitchen completely redone...now I can't stand to even go in the kitchen....what's the point....!

So we will just keep on trying to find a purpose because that is what they would want...thats what my head says....my hearts too busy crying to think. Sending out lots of love and prayers and hugs that we all find a small sliver of purpose and joy today.
Blessings,
Sharon
Dreamer40
Dreamer40
(((Violet))), you do those things because you find comfort in the doing. I was that way, too, but later I let a lot of things slide. Don't push yourself. If you feel like doing those things, by all means have at it, but if there comes a time when you just can't face the doing...don't. The first three months or so, I felt like cleaning, cooking, etc., I think because I was numb and in the "widow's fog". Perhaps your doing that is a sort of therapy for you. Be gentle with yourself...the joy will come eventually...maybe in a short time compared to some and maybe a long time, but it will come. Hang with us and keep talking, honey!

Marilyn