everything I do... I do for me, there is noone else anymore to do it for them. Was the hardest to put makeup on, and to fix my hair for....the first 2 months, I looked in the mirror...... OMG......went right to my stylist....and lost so much weight, been looking for clothes that fit me.

Being selfish has never been my thing. But now I think have to consontrate (can't spell anymore), on me. have to take care of myself, as well as everything else.....Gotta keep up, keeping up!!!!

I am doing things my wife always used to do, and that included getting the back porch ready for the summer. I rarely helped with that, seeing as my wife always knew how she liked it. She knew exactly what plants she wanted too, and it always looked good. Like with everything now, I am finding I have to learn from memory of what she did, so I try to keep things the way she did it, but also try to make it part of how I like it too.

It is very hard to keep in mind and to accept that it is now just me. Adjusting is a hard thing to do when you don't want to adjust to just being me. I want it to be for the both of us, but it is just me. But I keep things the way WE liked them, but I know I have to focus more on me. As I was told by a social worker, the focus is on myself now. I have to think about what I want. But this is a hard thing to do when my life was dedicated to my wife, I wanted to please her more than my own needs.

Haven't really been able to do things for me, I do them just because they need to be done. Like most of you I did things for us. I really never had any me hobbies so I will need to start doing things for me, though I don't want to.

I'm glad you posted this. I also have been lost in doing things. I did so much to make my husband happy. I do things that have to be done. It has been 7 weeks and I'm ready to be out of the wilderness. Makeup and looking nice since his death had not been a problem bc I wanted to look nice. I will try that..."I'm doing this for me." I don't consider it selfish, bc if he were here, he would be doing things for me and I would be doing things for him. It seems like a balance. I have been looking for me. :) thank you!

It's cooking.....I love to cook, am pretty good but it's hard to get motivated to cook only for me. I did it when I was single before, no problem....now it's a problem. Sigh....that, and keeping the house picked up like it should be.

I also love to cook but have trouble doing it just for me..I buy Lean Cusines just to eat something. I have no zest to try something new just for me...but I do love to bake and I live in a Senior Park so I've been thinking I can start baking for the people I live around.,it will make them happy and maybe in turn I'll feel better. I'll let you know if I'm able to do this without talking my self out of it! My biggest problem, oh yeah and crying...it's what I do!
jo1202

This is a fun post for me to read.

I have changed in 2 years 9 months to doing things my way for me and realizing ITS MY WAY here now. My house is not always picked up and neat (clean well somedays not so great) but I can go outside work my horses, mess with my yard - set the sprinklers my way (we never agreed on that) put the rocks in the garden my way bla bla bla

Than once I am done I am tired but feels good. With 5 acres the house gets a day of work when before it was something done daily.

I think its a stepping stone to realize YOU did it your way.

Just to let you know... I don't like to do things "just for me" I'd much rather do for someone else. It has no importance now. I do it but not happy about it.

yes it definately did. I had something similar I had to just keep going at until it became more about me.

Thanks for all the interesting replies. It's sure nice to have friends here on DS.
Martin

It took me a long time to accept, I'm doing this for me. We focus on families and all else that surrounds it, that we forget about ourselves. Since my husband passed I have observed these last 15 months how everyone's life went on, and came to realization that life has to go on. Now its time to start focusing on me and not life with me and him...It can be very challenging, when that's all you know...Taking it a day at a time...