When I knew that there was no hope for my beautiful husband I tried to extend whatever kindness I could to his family. I told them to come to say goodbye and even left him at times so that they could have time alone with him. When my husband was diagnosed , his sister whom he had loved all of his life walked away from him and never contacted him. His brother whom lived an hour and fifteen minutes away probably came to see him maybe 10 times in 12 1/2 years and thought that calling him everyday some how replaced spending time with him. His mother , who is 80 years old , never told her dearest friends about her daughters actions and was wracked with fear of how she would explain  her daughters absence at the services,  in the midst of losing Bob I called her friends , had them come to the hospital and spoke with them privately about. Her pain and about what had happened.  A few days before Bob died , his brother had come to the hospital drunk, he walked into the room with a large crucifix and a Daytona racing shirt. Luckily I had left briefly to get something to eat but my sister had stayed. When his brother entered his room he walked over to my husband and grabbed him and shook him. My sister was extremely upset and told him to get away from him, that he was in pain. When I arrived back at the hospital I learned what had happened and felt incredibly angry but also intimidated by his drunken  , abusive  brother. His brother then told me that he felt that my husbands memorial should be held in the town where he grew up so that people who knew him there and his brothers " customers " could come and pay their respects. I told him that  if anyone wanted to lay their respects they could drive the forty five minutes  to the service that I had coordinated  and that my husband and I had discussed Bob's wishes, the following day his brother came to the hospital drunk again. He asked to speak to me in private and when we entered the quiet room he began mocking me and pressuring me into holding a memorial  in y husbands home town. He was rude and intimidating and wouldn't listen to a word I said . He even went as far as to say to me " you don't even have to come". Before my husbands death, Bob had clearly told me and everyone else around him that when he died that his sister was not allowed to attend his services or have any recognition in his death. So when I wrote his obituary she was not included . His brothers wife then contacted me and told me that they wanted to put an obituary in the rock land county paper so I emailed the obituary that I had written. The next day I went online and found that not only had they changed the wording on what I had written but added that he was survived by his " beloved sister "  and announced that they would be having a memorial for him at a funeral home in rock land county three days after the services that I had already planned. I believe that they also invited his sister to attend. On top of the paralyzingly painful grief that I am experiencing, the actions of people whom I thought cared about me has made  things even more painful. His brothers wife emailed me and asked if her husband could have some of Bob's ashes to help him with his grief. We all tolerate things when we are members of a family and I certainly tolerated a  lot for  my Bob. After what they did, I will never have anything to do with these people again. To be kind to his mother I did have a sharing urn made for her and will send her a small amount of Bob's ashes so that her beloved boy can be with her when her time to go home comes.  Is it wrong for me to want to keep my husbands ashes with me? I'm sorry  but don't feel responsible to share him with his brother to ease his grief after what he did to me, thanks for listening