Widows & Widowers Support Group

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Do I have misdirected hurt toward family members

mamiepapa18
mamiepapa18
My husband of 52 years passed away April 17,2014 unexpectedly in the hospital while dealing with large diabetic foot ulcer. We have a large family and our oldest daughter and son in law live with us at this time. Most of the family feels they have taken advantage of us and sadly they have.. The night of Bob's passing they came to me and said were aren't moving out, going to move our oldest son in with his 2 year old and help. I couldn't talk to them as I was I guess in shock questioning why? ,what happened?.Then my sisters came 1 from Texas ,1 from Connecticut. They wanted me to get away for a while and had plans for us to leave the end of the week, as we had funeral on April 21,2014. The following day our 40 year old deaf son got sick and by end of week I could see he wasn't getting better and I couldn't please them and they were getting frustrated. I was hearing they were trying to make arrangements, like rent a car to leave.So I asked my older son to help get them home and he did. I feel hurt as I had been there for my sister when her husband died May 2012, stayed for a month and it wasn't a pleasant trip for my husband back then, but did it out of love. I feel deeply hurt and betrayed by things I was hearing, so I spoke with my younger sister and said I am done with them both. I felt like the sister from Texas was more about getting to friends in Connecticut than being here for me. The comment was made,maybe when your son feels better next week you can come down and then I will come back for a couple of days before you take me to airport. Is my feeling of hurt/anger toward sisters misdirected? Wondering how I should be feeling?
karatxmo
karatxmo
I wouldn't make any major decisions now. but right now is about you and coping. don't focus on the negativity of others. just focus on you. if you need a break from those that are stressing you out, do that, take a break from them and revisit the issue when you are ready. I hope your son is doing better!
Livingbyfaith
Livingbyfaith
Try not to be hurt, it really does no good, just hurts you more. We never know what others are going thru to make them act the way they do. Love and pray for them. Many times people just do not understand and think we are stronger than what we are, other times they don't feel they can be strong enough to be around you. I heard once being upset with others is like holding a hot coal in your hand, you are the only one its hurting. I was hurt too by several people, realized it was no good and got over it. God bless.
aloneishard
aloneishard
All of the people around you are the same people they were before your loss. Your world has changed and they simply do not know how to react. When my wife passed, I was extremely hurt by the actions or non actions of others. It seemed that no one had a clue how to act. They just seemed to go on with their lives. It hurts, yes it hurts very bad. I feel for you greatly. All of us here understand, in one way or another, what you are feeling so come here often and talk with us.
jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
As we have all learned, if someone hasn't been through this, they don't and won't get it.

Your life has completely changed. Others return to their normal routines. Some, family or not, have the notion that we'll "get over it" on their timetable, and feel that their actions are helping us. Instead it tears our heart out. You feel like screaming "Doesn't anyone get it?"

Try to remember that they don't have a clue. Stand your own ground. They will get the hint.