Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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mel40 06/25/2013

I'm going on a date. AAAAAHHHHHH. I thought "this is simple, it's just like going out with friends". Well, I tossed and turned last night, considering so many options. Every time I pray, I'm given peace and I don't believe this guy would be a threat to me. I think we could be friends, but I just met him friday night and he asked for my number. I'm not used to this. Anotehr one of those new things to readjust to. I know what I want, but I am so afraid because I learned so recently that life doesn't always give you what you want. My prayer is that I can follow God's will and not be distracted by (well, you know).

nowjustme 06/25/2013

Good luck and I hope all goes well for you.
Dating is just so hard after you have been married for so long. It's just not what I thought it would be.

sandeestttn 06/25/2013

I have ran off so many men. First they befriend you, be nice, knowing I don't want a romantic relationship. Saying they just want to share a meal, movie, etc. Then boom, they try to kiss you, or start talking about sex... when I say, no, I am not ready for anything like that, They keep it up. So BOOM, they are gone. Good riddance....

Scouserboots 06/25/2013

I hope your date goes well, I hope this person ends up being a friend to you, understanding, kind and considerate.

Comfortablynumb 06/25/2013

Phew, you post title scared me, the "deep end" is not what I would consider your situation.
Seems like you need for an advice in this matter would be better suited to be posted on the Hopeful Hearts sub site.
Good luck

KittyKai 06/25/2013

A date? How nice for you! When I first moved here 2 years ago, one of the guys who is in a wheel chair here asked me "out for coffee" while we were standing around the mail box. My reply was, "I don't drink coffee", which looking back, was kind of a turn off. But I was also perplexed at what to do with the wheelchair, etc. I guess I just wasn't ready -- and wound up saying the wrong thing! Sad.

KK

papagena 06/25/2013

I hope your date is everything you expect it to be. I hope he will be friendly and considerate. All the very best.

It must take courage to go on a first date. I admire you. Personally, I am far from ready to even consider it. Plus the fact that I would not know where to start. I guess the dating protocol must have changed since the 70s and, if ever and whenever I am ready, I would have to re-train on techniques ;).

Best of luck Mel.

sandeestttn 06/25/2013

I haven't dated since 1965. I just can't imagine how things have changed. I don't think I want to date. I think I like knowing what I am doing next.... lol....

Garyhere 06/25/2013

Good luck. I have trouble getting out of bed.

drew4lostluv 06/25/2013

Good luck I am not there yet but I am glad for you have a good time and enjoy yourself

mel40 06/26/2013

Train wreck. He bought dinner. Steak dinner, but he was so disrespectful! I guess it comes from being divorced. Idk, but there was definitely no connection going on.

nowjustme 06/26/2013

Sorry it didn't turn out better. They are not all like that so don't give up yet.

sandeestttn 06/26/2013

Mel, I am sorry, I was afraid that would happen. You live your life around someone, and mold to each other. A new person shows up that doesn't fit well within the mold. Question, will you ever want to mold with someone else, as we all are different. I say no. not me... I find men are too aggressive for me. And bossy...

If, by some chance, I accidently run into someone within my comfort zone, I will give it a chance. but not now.

rochelle1466 06/26/2013

sorry things did not go so well. Its hard readjusting our thinking to 'dating' although the possibility is a great option depending on where you are at in the process of grieving. Don't be too discouraged. There are men that are not disrepsectful, hope it won't stop you from continuing to be open to meeting people.

mel40 06/26/2013

I guess I just assumed that all men were nice. My husband was nice. His friends are nice. I got an eye opener last night. I'm open to meeting new people. I'm open to dating. It is difficult to readjust. I was MARRIED, and that is very different from dating and getting to know someone. I will take my time and continue to be happy being alone. But I will also be more aware of aggressive behavior, small signs or rude comments. If they will do that while trying to impress someone, it's all downhill from there when they show their true colors. Don't you think?

mel40 06/26/2013

I also think I fed into my friends encouraging me to date. I felt as though I had to look into it. I looked. Wow. Now I can say I've dated. Haha!

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