Widows & Widowers Support Group

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difficult holiday season

silverfoxwife
silverfoxwife
This is the second holiday season in 19 months without my husband. It is more difficult to deal with than the last one as I have sold off his horses and trailer. I had waited a year for my daughter to be ready to let go of them and she had given me consent, not that I needed her permission those things belong to me. When the sales had concluded she was so angry with me and the buyer . We both ended in screaming and crying together. We both felt the loss of another chapter and connection to his life and their shared interests. She does understand I had to move forward and that I can't take them to a small living space in town. She still gets a bit upset with me as I still have more things to sell off. I am trying hard not to upset her and I cry alone. She also tries hard to keep me involved in her family life. Just rambling.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Our children don't understand what we are going through. They feel that we should hold onto material things forever. Especially older children that are out of the house and have there own family. I don't think they realize the impact some of the material items have on us. I had cleaned out my closet of my husbands things, and two of them said why. I told them that they don't live here to see this everyday and that dad is gone and I have to move forward. And there may be things that I get rid of or pack up because I cannot continue to look at every single day. Hope all works out for you. God Bless Susan
Trici
Trici
Letting go of the life we once lived, the husband we cherish, is a piece meal process, isn't it? Dealing with your daughter's grief and loss can't be easy either. Sounds like she's having a hard time, maybe could use some counseling. I'll bet the crying together helped you both. God bless you on the horrible journey.
gerald222
gerald222
You are both grieving in your own unique ways and doing your best with a very painful process. The dispersing of personal items is such a emotional gut wrenching process. I have done it in small increments over the last year. I did a garage sale in the summer that almost finished me off emotionally and those werent even personal but more generic items ie. extra toaster. She trys hard to include you and you try to consider her feeling so I believe love will get you through all this. Sending you a big hug. Gerald
papagena
papagena
You are both grieving at a different pace and in a different way. I do fully understand because I have the same problem with my daughters. They understood that I could not cope with our family house on my own and had to move but they found it difficult and there were lots of tears.

Both live a long way away from me and rarely came to our old family house. As for the other possessions, I asked them to take what they wanted and I disposed of the rest but it was difficult also.

You daughter loves you, it just all takes time.

Big hug yo you.
silverfoxwife
silverfoxwife
Thank you, SS103, Trici, Gerald and Papgena for all you comforting words. I know this daughter is so much more emotional and she is just reacting to a situation that is hard for her to handle. I had to remind her that she is not the only one in the same boat. She was fine after that. Thanks again.