Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Difficult Anniversaries

Lon
Lon

I know that many of you have gone through difficult anniversaries. I have a very difficult time coming up. Mother's Day is this weekend. Last year I lost both my wife and mother, so this will be the first year without them. My mother's birthday was in May also. Then in June, it will be the first year without my wife for our anniversary (would have been the 51st) and her birthday. Then it will also be the one year anniversary of her death. Lastly, my birthday will be in June. It will not be the same without the two of them.


Maybe from one point of view it is good to have all of this to happen together, but it just seems like a lot. Do any of you have any ideas to help people get through these difficult anniversaries? 

Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
May is one of the really tough months for me. It's loaded with birthdays and anniversaries, including our wedding anniversary - it will be 40 years this month. The pain comes in waves with each special day. I try to concentrate on all the good memories that go with each special day, but invariably I have to cut myself the slack to just cry when I need to, say no to whatever I am not up for, and just keep going the best I can.

The first year was pretty awful. I have learned from that and subsequent years that I will get through the month, and accepted the fact that somedays I will cry my eyes out, and I know I have the right to do just that if I have to. Don't be too hard on yourself if you need to do the same. We have a right to miss the people we love. People die, love doesn't, so some days are going to be difficult, but you will get through them.

I am sorry for your loss and that you are facing these things, too. Wishing you better and brighter days...

Love and Hugs,
Martha
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
There's no good answer so I fall back on "take it a day at a time. Some days even moment by moment " It's often impossible to take care of you, I remember those days, but I found taking care of myself could be in many ways. Learn to be. Sometimes it's getting out and some days It's a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood. Sometimes I visit a friend, inviting her to join me for lunch. Other times I sit alone at the river. Do what feels right and don't be afraid to change plans. My best to you. Sharon
Telynn
Telynn
I am finding that if I plan something for that day (something simple) it keeps my mind occupied. I am so new into this awful situation that I am finding I just have to do what makes me comfortable. My husband Just passed April 1 so I am a mess but we have all kinds of special dates last month and in May and June.