You do what you're comfortable doing, but stay strong for the girls

I also did that for a long time couldn't go to work I couldn't even get out of bed for 2 months...I tried taking meds but they really didn't help I found it was a crutch and soon got off them...I am almost at my one year 2 more days and I am hoping that I will then be able to see the world in a new light...Whatever you think will work for you do it...It is your journey and you need to take it...However you choose will be the right choice...Hugs to you....

I know exactly how you feel, I've been fighting with depression since my husband died 4 years ago. It comes and go, honestly the meds didn't help much. Forcing my self to get out of the house and being social, having great friends helped me a lot. Hope you feel better soon.

At this point, I don't think it should be called 'depression' - it is grief which is not the same thing. You're barely 5 weeks into this, you are sad and missing her - that's NORMAL. You're not weird, you're grieving. It is what people who love do when they lose somebody. And you are coping and participating in life despite the immense sadness you feel. It isn't easy, but you are doing it anyway.

Medication can be useful to help you rest, or to take the edge of anxiety if that crops up. I would hesitate to go seeking it though unless you find your grief keeps you from being able to do basic life function stuff - like eating, going to work, bathing, getting out of bed, etc. Not feeling like doing those things once in awhile is fine, if it's to the point where for weeks you can't function that much, then hell yeah, get some meds. But right now, I think what you are feeling and doing is normal and healthy.

A lot of our members suffered with depression or anxiety or other psychological problems prior to their loss. For members who fall into that category, medication can make sense or an adjustment to the medications already prescribed may be required.

Sometimes people who hate to see us suffer look for the magic cure for us. There is no magic cure for this. Your Mom is probably worried about you and wants you to feel better and must recognize, on some level, that she can't really fix this for you - like most Moms would want to, myself included. I knew when we lost Cliff that I would never be able to make it all better for my sons. That's why I got counseling for me and got them counseling, too. You might want to consider counseling instead. I got mine for free through my work's Employee Assistance Program - you might check to see if that is something available through your work.

You will okay. It won't seem like it for a long time, but you will. Every day, even when you think you're not making any progress, you actually are. Don't give up.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I agree with all the good thoughts in the previous posts.

Today is week nine for me. Yesterday was month two. (It seems like it has been so much longer!). So far, I have relied heavily on Xanax only at night to relieve anxiety so I can get some sleep. And it does help me to fall to sleep for a few hours. After talking to a friend about it, I requested Ambien. My primary care physician doesn't like Ambien- so I guess I'll figure it .

The thought of me using an anti-depressant right now scares me. The ads for anti-depressants on TV advise that they may actually increase suicidal idealization. Already I crave to be with my deceased husband- and I already try not to tell anyone how much I look forward to seeing him again, because I know that worries them. So, I'll have to be pretty desperate for relief before I go that route.

Medication is a personal choice. I would recommend that you look at all your options for help in getting through these first few months. Weigh these options out. Maybe even write them out- with pros and cons. I always make better choices when I can see everything in writing.

Good luck friend. May peace be with you.

I''ve been fortunate, when I get depressed, I force myself to think about what sean would tell me, he'd tell me to not worry, it;lll all work out He text me everday, ever since we first started talking, we would email. I have printed out well over 200 love letters, and all of our texts, just about everyday, he use to ask me, if I was havin a relaxing morning, he'd say not to worry, and that he loved me oodles and gobbs forever and after. I know my sweet husband/bestfriend is still here guiding, protecting and helping me to move forward. I have some days, when I can hardly get out of bed, then I hear my seans voice saying, come on smile, be happy and have some fun. He use to tell me, text me and email me that all the time. So I look for that guidance on some of my worst days, it helps that I have some good friends who are always trying to lift me up.. thank you to them, you know who you are. Love and hugs carla

Thank you all for your words and thoughts. I am lucky I guess as Monday was really the only day I was depressed. This new life has it's ups and downs and for the most part I am navigating the waters with uncertain ease. I take each new turn in life as a choice and do what I feel we would have done together.

I miss our conversations in the evenings and reading our books together. Though I admit I am surviving with out it, even though admitting it feels like I am downplaying how important it was to me. Trust me it meant the world to me, but my world has changed and forcing myself to act like nothing has changed would be a lie. I held true to every promise I ever gave her in our marriage. I will continue to do the same thing now. I promised that I would take care of her dad and our kids. To do this I am having to get healthy and make personal changes that will hopefully keep me here for all of the.

Depression sucks and through all of that I am not trying to ignore that it happened But to acknowledge it and not let it have any victory over me.

Well, grief is grief and depression is something else entirely, but I for one was unable to tell the difference until my brain literally shut down and I was unable to go into work, and frankly, I just didn't care whether I went to work or not. I am very anti-medication, have been for many years, barely would take an aspirin. But you've gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. So the doctor said I was depressed and prescribed an anti-depressant about 4 or 5 months ago, and it helped. But the past few weeks, the depression was coming back upon me, and then I missed a day of work last week -- yes, I was grieving but I also was able to recognize it was the depression raising its ugly head again. So this time I didn't delay but got right in to see my doctor. He doubled the dose for me, and he prescribed a sleep aid because I told him of my sleep disruptions, just wake up after only 3 or 4 hours of sleep. That's been going on a long time since Juani died. Oh I fell asleep at the wheel driving back from my sons at Christmas. Woke up in the median of the interstate going 70 mph. Fortunately I didn't overreact and got the car back onto the road without incident. And then last night, before I had taken the increase dose of anti-depressant or sleep aid for the first time, I find myself driving the wrong way down a highway off-ramp, I had turned thinking it was the entrance to a store I was going to. This shit scares me. And only one thing changed for me. My wife died, and it has so screwed me up. So all I can say is do what you got to do, but pay attention that your grief does not turn into depression, and good luck recognizing that transition. And do take care of yourself. We've got to get our rest, that is what I'm attributing my 2 close-calls while driving to -- sleep deprivation. Speaking of which, I'd better go to bed now. Thanks for listening. And hfire, you're no more weird than the rest of us here -- just hang on my friend. We will all get through this together. ~~ Scottie