I think we do whatever we need to do for self-preservation. Whereas acceptance is a big part of healing, I know I've not been able to make that mental shift to just accept, not struggle against it and accept what I do have. Maybe if there were viable alternatives for a different life it would just to easier to accept what is and go on and be happy. But that was my whole life, and I don't know where I go from here.

Exactly! Everything and everyone else moved on..
Our lives are stuck in limbo..
Self preservation I think.
Maureen

I beleive it is self protection. Grief has to be dealt with in many different times and in many different ways as our heart and mind can tolerate it. All at one time would be far to overhelming for anybody.
I totally understand guarding your thoughts because they are just to painful to focus on. Absolutely nothing wrong with self protection to get us through this brutal journey. Wishing you peace Gerald

In 2 days you will barely be 3 months out from your wife's death, that is such a short short time ...
In your time frame I was a total wreck ...
The hardest thing about grief is to let it be/stand still to let the waves wash over you, over & over till exhaustion sets in ...
Its a matter of continually discharging emotions first & always before one can even take a step forward ...
That one step could be eating, brushing your teeth, getting dressed, showering, looking out a window, etc ...
No matter where you go or what you do or how you process it, grief will accompany you ...
For myself, it was best to nurse my broken heart/shattered soul rather than fight how I responded to the greatest loss of my life ...
In time, I slowly learned how to function w/grief ...
When I became stronger I looked to define/give meaning to my widow journey as well as the outcome I wanted ...
My goal restored my mind, body & spirit back to good health ...
Grief, recovery & healing takes a considerable amount of time so please do not feel discouraged or beat up on yourself ...
Be gentle, loving & caring w/yourself ...
[[[HUGS]]]

I don't think you're in denial at all. I think you are just surviving and I feel the same. In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with postponing painful thoughts, it's not like they're going anywhere. You can always get back to them when you have the time and energy. I do give in to them now and then and spend a weepy self indulgent day in pajamas but mostly I don't have the time or energy to really face all that pain, plus it doesn't change anything and makes it more difficult just to get myself through the things I absolutely can not avoid doing. I think that disciplining some of my thoughts, to be dealt with at a convenient time, rather than allowing them to take up entire days isn't a bad thing really. I say disciplining but the truth is discipline and I have never met. It's more like I procrastinate, but the pain and tears are always waiting when I have the inclination. I feel like you do and whatever it is, I am sure it's natural and normal. Hang in there. We all despise it and you are right, it is too painful to bear. Some mornings I wake up surprised I survived the night and somewhat disappointed that I did. ((()))

Self protection. You are getting to the end of the "Widda" fog. It's comforting in it's ability to mask our pain at first, but as it slowly fades, reality is at the door knocking. We don't want to answer that door. We know it will hurt again...even more.
Take slow breaths this morning , self care just like at the begginning is needed.

Gentle Hugs.

Thanks to all who have repiled, I don't have anyone to talk to about these thoughts and you guys a real great. At least you understand and are in the same position, that makes you authoritird in my book. I am taking it day by day but, it is so hard to do. Each time I come back home I still have to tell myself "no she is not there waiting for me " then reality hits and I start all over again, your thoughts do help me feel not so aloneand lost.