Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I feel as though someone or thing is pouring salt into my wounds. As if I am not suffering enough, I am still getting the run around over his death certificate. The funeral home called me yesterday, said the person that signed it made an error. she is no longer with the VA and some doctor refused to sign it. She didn't know the doctors name. Asked if I cared who signed it because maybe the doctor with the hospice organization would. Told her I don't care who signs it. The hospice nurse was the one who came to the house when he passed and confirmed he was gone. I thought from that point on someone would know what they were doing and all would be handled. Nope here I still sit. She said she would call me and of course hasn't yet. Was so depressed last night I begged my husband to take me with him. I am a Realtor by profession yet haven't been very actve these past few months. Have two transactions going on, and can't seem to remember all I need to do.Luckily it's my daughters home that's selling and they are purchaseing another one. Things that used to come easy I find myself questioning. Went to the gas station last night and for some reason I took the tv remote control with me. Can't sleep, can't stop crying, just want to climb into bed and wakeup and have this nighmare over and him back with me. It's been six weeks today since he passed.
Your Nevada confressional offices;
Senator Harry Reid @ 1-866-Sen-Reid
Senator Dean Heller @ 202-224-6244
and contact your local Congressional Representative. Congress is not too happy with the VA as it is currently.
These Congressional individuals are there to serve you and represent you.
This is the avenue I would approach.
Give them hell!
Dewman
You took the remote control with you because you were ultra-distracted and have good reason. I know I did the same thing. At least you still have your remote. I lost numerous things during those first months doing exactly what you did. Just hang on and know you're not losing your mind. Take a break for however long to gather yourself and go at it again.
mommato2lilmonkeys
(copy & paste from Nolo)
In Nevada, a death certificate must be filed with the local registrar within 72 hours after the date or discovery of the death. (Nevada Revised Statutes 440.490.) Typically, the funeral home, mortuary, cremation organization, or other person in charge of the deceased persons remains will prepare and file the death certificate.
(copy & paste from leg.state.nv.us)
NRS440.490Presentation of completed certificate of death to local registrar.The funeral director or person acting as undertaker shall present the completed certificate of death to the local registrar within 72 hours after the occurrence or discovery of the death. If a case is referred to the coroner, he or she shall present a completed certificate to the local registrar upon disposition of the investigation.
[Part 9:199:1911; RL 2960; NCL 5243](NRS A 1977, 352; 1981, 467; 1983, 136)
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Get on the funeral home's ass!! This is their problem, and shouldn't be yours! IT'S THE LAW . . they had 72 hours to get this done . . and how long has it taken now? Ridiculous!!
All the "stuff" that pops it's ugly head when all we want to do is weep is just so much garbage in the way of our healing process.
I hope it all gets resolved soon for you. Let us know!
Roz
The night my wife died, I sat and cried in her hospital hospice room. After a while a nurse came to check on me. I asked her, "What do I do now?" I had no idea what happened next, how to get from the hospital to the funeral. She told me, "There are established procedures. We hold the body until your funeral director picks it up." And that gave me a little peace, knowing I could just go home and immediate things would be handled by others. Our daughter was a big help dealing with the funeral director and getting the death certificate, while I made arrangements with the cemetery.
I'm sorry the system broke down in your case. Talk about adding insult to injury!
When I read my wife's death certificate, it was like a novel. She died of massive organ failure, perhaps caused by an unknown type of auto-immune syndrome, we never knew for sure. It said,
Cause of death: Heart failure caused by lung failure caused by kidney failure. I had been there for every chapter. I might have read it a second time, later. I sent a copy of the certificate where I had to, and put away the envelope. When I come across it, with her name neatly printed in unfamiliar handwriting, it gives me the chills.
I forget things. I bring strange objects with me. I don't know how much is from grief, and how much is from aging, at 56. Yesterday I waited a long time for a bus to NYC, then I discovered I left my phone a block away at home. I went home and got it, the bus must have come while I was away, I waited another long time. Fortunately where I was going my arrival was not time-sensitive. I saw friends and felt connected, the reason I went.
Everything today reminds me of the essay I read this morning by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg about her first month as a widow. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155617891025177
She writes about Option B:
I was talking to one of these friends about a father-child activity that Dave is not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, But I want Dave. I want option A. He put his arm around me and said, Option A is not available. So lets just kick the shit out of option B.
Let's kick the shit out of Option B.
I was reading on line today that the State of Connecticut is so far behind it's taking most folks a year or so to get a DC if the coroner is involved. Jeez.
I'm always discovering someone else has it "worse". Not to discount your situation . . . but we do need to count blessings.
Hang in there!! Hugs, D
mommato2lilmonkeys