Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
After reading about one member's dilemma with an ex, I was wondering if there are any widows/widowers out there who've had interesting encounters with their significant other's ex's.
My husband had several ex's who were all interesting in their own right, but the last girlfriend before me is one who makes my blood pressure rise.
1) She hadn't been with my husband for a number of years, but they remained friends after they broke up. She often asked him to accompany her to various events. After we started going out, he told her he was finally in another serious relationship and he wouldn't be doing that anymore. She proceeded to insult his taste in women (I was much younger than she was.) and didn't speak to him for over a year.
2) Two weeks before my husband died she called and invited herself over. While I was there, she hardly said two words and spent half an hour in our guest bathroom (about the size of a broom closet.) Never offered to help or even do anything constructive, unlike his other friends.
3) After he died, she proceeded to post on facebook that her long term partner had died. The way she phrased it made it sound like they were still together. No mention that he'd remarried. And she accepted others condolences like she was still with him.
4) She made a donation to charity in my husband's name and extended sympathy to all of his children, including estranged ones he hadn't talked to in years, but not me.
5) She spent the whole funeral complaining about the service (she was of a different faith than my husband.)
The list goes on, but those are my biggest issues. In some ways I think she's afraid of me, jealous he married me when she didn't even get space in his sock drawer and just plain old selfish.
Anyways, my question is, is anyone else dealing with "interesting" ex's?
My husband had several ex's who were all interesting in their own right, but the last girlfriend before me is one who makes my blood pressure rise.
1) She hadn't been with my husband for a number of years, but they remained friends after they broke up. She often asked him to accompany her to various events. After we started going out, he told her he was finally in another serious relationship and he wouldn't be doing that anymore. She proceeded to insult his taste in women (I was much younger than she was.) and didn't speak to him for over a year.
2) Two weeks before my husband died she called and invited herself over. While I was there, she hardly said two words and spent half an hour in our guest bathroom (about the size of a broom closet.) Never offered to help or even do anything constructive, unlike his other friends.
3) After he died, she proceeded to post on facebook that her long term partner had died. The way she phrased it made it sound like they were still together. No mention that he'd remarried. And she accepted others condolences like she was still with him.
4) She made a donation to charity in my husband's name and extended sympathy to all of his children, including estranged ones he hadn't talked to in years, but not me.
5) She spent the whole funeral complaining about the service (she was of a different faith than my husband.)
The list goes on, but those are my biggest issues. In some ways I think she's afraid of me, jealous he married me when she didn't even get space in his sock drawer and just plain old selfish.
Anyways, my question is, is anyone else dealing with "interesting" ex's?
She's been given way too much power and YOU, my dear, have given it to her. Time to take it away! If you don't, soon she'll be moving in with you!
1. I hate facebook but it's time to call her out on it. Tell the truth to the world, which does include her!
2. She didn't invite herself over, you did! Now it's time to uninvited her. Tell her she's no longer welcome in your home, around your friends or your family.
3. She no longer may complain to you, she has NO POWER over you and she's not welcome!
I know this is unsolicited advice but it's long over due.
There weren't any visiting ex's in Morey's or my life because I wouldn't allow it. Even though I was much younger than Morey and he had many ex's, I didn't leave a lot of room for anyone else........I kept him pretty busy all by myself!!!! I admit it, I was very needy!!!
Roz
I finally called her out on facebook, and my God, what good therapy that was!
Truthfully I don`t think about her that much anymore, other than feeling sorry for how pathetic she is. But you`re both absolutely right. That part of my life is over. No sense dwelling on it. Just keep the lesson in case there`s a next time.
I, like you, really didn't have a dating life before Morey and certainly don't have one now.
You are so right........these are life's lessons. Using them wisely makes us excellent students.
Roz
The woman who posted that crap on facebook is a fraud and it was appropriate for you to call her out.