Hello everyone. I joined because I have no one to talk to, to cry to, or ask advise. Suicide is tricky. Its taboo. I read something that really hits me hard. 'Suicide never ends pain . . It just passes it to someone else'. My husband of 22 years was fed up with his inability to control alcoholism. Two years ago I left for work and returned to find my husband sitting on my laundry room floor. I admit when I first saw him, he was sitting up and looked like he was asleep. His 'illness' caused him to fall asleep anywhere, anytime, and I had found him asleep in other areas of the house as well. It wasnt until I reached to shake him that I saw a gun by his side and a huge pool of blood in between his legs. You cant go to family for help or to talk. I have turned into the bad guy. I should have known. I should have helped. I should have done something. This kind of ending is full of guilt. I didnt know how much he was drinking. I knew he was worse and I kick myself everyday for not reacting more when he admitted that he could not handle his craving for alcohol. Im not good at being alone. My depression hits often and hard. I dont know how to do this world by myself. I cant find my new normal. I still live in the same house and struggle with the thought of selling it. I love this house but it has so many bad memories now. How have you found your new normal and what can you do if you dont have close friends or family to help? There has to be a better way to survive my husbands choice but I admit that I am a train wreck.
So here I am. It’s been a week almost to the moment that I lost my husband.He died suddenly from a massive heart attack. It still doesn’t seem real. I am so lonely without him. I feel like my heart has been torn out of me. I’m trying to keep busy, but I get blindsided by these emotions. All of a sudden tears will come out of nowhere. I feel like I’m living in another world... My only...