Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Since losing my partner suddenly in May 2007, I have had many conversations that have ended in uncomfortable silence after mentioning that I had lost him. Since he was 58, some say, "oh, that was too soon and he was too young." I'm so tired of people not having the social-conscience with some decorum about the subject of death.
Our society is funny. We constantly see death and violence on TV, celebrate and study dead presidents, philosophers and continue to worship dead celebrities such as Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe. However, when death hits close to home, especially when we lose our partners - then we're told to be quiet and move on! This says loud and clear that we're OK with death as long as it happens to others and that we're so afraid of our mortality.
In other cultures, they value the aged and embrace the transition to spirit. Death is the ending of the body, not the person's soul-spirit. Just ask people who've worked in hospice and they will attest to the spirit leaving the body via the head when the time comes.
I just wish people could try to understand spiritual matters more than be entertained by violence. I mean, how many corpses have you seen on TV, but we're mortified when we see one in the casket at a loved one's funeral? We need to review our prioritites.
Our society is funny. We constantly see death and violence on TV, celebrate and study dead presidents, philosophers and continue to worship dead celebrities such as Elvis Presley and Marilyn Monroe. However, when death hits close to home, especially when we lose our partners - then we're told to be quiet and move on! This says loud and clear that we're OK with death as long as it happens to others and that we're so afraid of our mortality.
In other cultures, they value the aged and embrace the transition to spirit. Death is the ending of the body, not the person's soul-spirit. Just ask people who've worked in hospice and they will attest to the spirit leaving the body via the head when the time comes.
I just wish people could try to understand spiritual matters more than be entertained by violence. I mean, how many corpses have you seen on TV, but we're mortified when we see one in the casket at a loved one's funeral? We need to review our prioritites.
People grow quiet when faced with real suffering because they simply do not know what to say.
Thanks to what I've been through, I'm much better than I used to be at trying to comfort people in similar situations, even so, it is still difficult because I know more than ever that nothing I say will offer true comfort.
I do understand what you are saying, people really don't know what to say. Even I don't always know what to say. Sometimes there is nothing to say except sorry. This is a difficult topic. I did go through a faze where everybody irritated me. If they were quiet it made me mad. If they tried to say something it made me mad. I have got to the place where I have decided to offer some compassion and understanding that they all are just human like me and so often inadequate in our expressions. Now only the really stupid remarks make me mad.
I agree: "Sorry for your loss" is about all you can say. I do see that I've learned a whole lot from going through this and will be more considerate of other people. It was just ignorance for me before.
And you know what? It WAS too early and too young. Horrible, horrible, how death can rob us years before we were planning to think about it as a probability rather than just possibility.
Hugs, Gail