Not sure how helpful I can be but I will say that no one understands the rollercoaster we all go through more then a fellow widow/widower so my guess is he just needs some space to sort out whatever he is going through. Im sure it is hard for you.. Good luck with it all.

Obviously, this is a difficult time of year for him. I would suggest that maybe you could look for ways to give him gentle reminders that you think he's worth waiting for.

Good Luck! & God Bless!

I think you should let him know that you love him and that you are there for him if he needs you. Then as painful as it might be for you, let him have some time and space to work through his feelings. Even know that you told him that you welcomed her memory into your relationship, he could be having feelings of guilt about the relationship or maybe he's not sure that he's ready to take that chance to love someone again. I can't speak for him I can only give you another mans point of view about what he maybe going through. If I was in this situation, I think that's what I would be feeling guilt, not sure about loving someone again, or both. I would also appreciate the woman I was seeing
telling me her feelings and giving me the time and space to sort through my feelings. I hope I was heplful, and please let me know what happends.

My gosh, I'm in the same boat. My widower friend lost his wife 1 1/2 yrs ago though & their wedding anniversary was last weekend too. He has been doing the same thing, around "special" days he withdraws quite a lot, to the extent that I used to think he didn't care for me anymore, and we're only supposed to be "friends", but there's too much contact between us to warrant just a friendship. We've known each other exactly 1 yr. He keeps saying he doesn't want me to wait for him because he doesn't know how long it will be to break the "connection" he had for his wife. I don't wait for him per se, but I do care deeply for him, I'm always there for him, and when he pulls away I let him. He always comes back, just last week he told me he felt a need to pull away again, I can tell he feels bad about it. I told him it's ok if that's what he needs. He replied and told me he hopes I know how special I am to him, I told him he's just as special to me. It really is a roller coaster, and he can't always help it, sometimes I still deal with it too, my husband's been gone almost 2 yrs.

I can not explain why we do what we do. I have sbotaged my share of relationships.when things were going good and i would start to fall in love with someone i would just get this tremendous feeling of guilt. If i love this person, does it mean i am happy Angie is gone.The answer is of course it doesn't mean that but i still find myself thinking that way.thats what happens to me and i have a strange feeling i am not the only one. I hope maybe this can give you some idea of what might be going on.

Im a widower of 3 years and all my edates ever since have been disasters (no fault of mine either-honest). It's gotten to the point where I've almost given up.
Im at the point in grief where I'm trying to move ahead but the dates want to know to much, even telling them i'd rather not talk about it got me left by the roadside in the middle of the night. by one. Other treat me like I have the plague bacause i'm a widower.

I am dating a widower , the first few months were great, then took a turn this past month. We came to a point where we could tell each other the love we feel for each other. The past month, he has started to withdraw for four days at a time, I call him to "check in" and his phone is shut off or he just does not call me back. I am very cautioius with this relationship so I do not "pressure" him to be together. When he comes out of the four day ordeal, things are good again. But the "ordeal" is coming more often and I pretty much let him decide when he wants to see me, and feels like it is becoming one sided. I love him and he says that is good for him, but lately when I tell him that I love him, he responds with "thanks". I want us to work, and am willing to be patient, because he IS worth waiting for, I am not interested in anyone else . In the beginning he gave me a necklace to express his devotion to me. I am confused myself, but he is worth it to ride it out.

I agree with Sandie203. He just might need alittle space.

My gut instinct is this man is not ready to move on with his life. Perhaps these occasional visits are merely his way of dealing with his own guilt for giving you hope that there might possibly be a real relationship.

At this point I would leave him alone totally. You deserve someone who can make you feel like an important part of his life. After all you've been through, why settle for half a relationship?

He could be ready to move on but he may be feeling overwelmed and guilty..very normal. I would write him a letter and tell him that you support his greif and that if he needs to talk to someone about his feeling that you would hope it would be you. Tell him not to shut you out of his life because you love him and you want to help him through this. Sometimes when our depresion comes back we go into a shell and build a wall around the ones we love. Knock down that wall and be there for him. If all this fails then maybe this relationship wasn't meant to be. When my fiance got this way I use to make him a dinner and sit and talk to him for hours..I let him cry on my shoulder and I listened and when he was done I would tell him how much I loved him and how happy I was that we had each other. Like you we are both widows..I 14 years, him 5.. He no longer has those breakdowns and we are finally moving full speed ahead...A little tlc and even a little agression could be the answer.

I am dating a widower for 3.5 years now. I too felt that he withdrew but not to the extent of shutting me out totally. I have to say that we should not allow this to happen on and off continually. No matter who we are in a relationship with, we need to remember that we all have feelings. To not answer phone calls, shut their phone off - how did they handle cicumstances that did not involve a lose of a loved one and as for celebrating anniversaries - wedding date, birthdays, etc. that involved their past relationship they need to take care of your feelings the one that he/she is with now. There is nothing wrong with going back to the past with memories of the heart but to acutally hurt someone that he/she is with now is not good. No matter who we are - we all have lost someone that we cared about being a dear friend, a brother, a sister, a mom, a dad, a daughter, a son. We need to take the one that we are with now - today - and buy her flowers, go dancing, curl up and watch a movie - whatever it is that the two enjoy together and laugh and respect one another. If you can not do this then we are not ready for any kind of relationship. Respect the one that you are with now.