Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My dear husband, Tom, died almost 2 years ago of sudden cardiac arrest. We loved each other dearly and had been together almost 30 years. For the last 5+ years, we've had to deal with my 2 daughters drug abuse and mental illness issues. Their antics really put a strain on Tom and I, but it made our marriage even stronger. My daughters treated my husband and me horribly during these years...stealing, lying, doing drugs and alcohol, skipping school, etc. A part of me wonders if all of this stress contributed to Tom's death, although I would never say this to the girls.
I have been dating a wonderful man, Jay, who treats me like a queen and makes me laugh, ALOT! We get along great and are very much in love. Jay was a longtime friend to Tom and I, and Jay and I became close after Tom died. Both of my girls are extremely angry that I have invited Jay to attend our holiday family functions. She likes Jay, but thinks I am being disrespectul to her dad by bringing Jay. I have tried to explain things to her, but she has mental health issues that make it difficult for her to understand. Also, both of my girls did not treat my husband Tom & I well for years, and I want them interfering in my relationship with Jay.I don't expect the girls to have a fantastic relationship with Jay, but I do want them to he cordial and keep their nasty comments to themselves. Any tips??
I have been dating a wonderful man, Jay, who treats me like a queen and makes me laugh, ALOT! We get along great and are very much in love. Jay was a longtime friend to Tom and I, and Jay and I became close after Tom died. Both of my girls are extremely angry that I have invited Jay to attend our holiday family functions. She likes Jay, but thinks I am being disrespectul to her dad by bringing Jay. I have tried to explain things to her, but she has mental health issues that make it difficult for her to understand. Also, both of my girls did not treat my husband Tom & I well for years, and I want them interfering in my relationship with Jay.I don't expect the girls to have a fantastic relationship with Jay, but I do want them to he cordial and keep their nasty comments to themselves. Any tips??
You mentioned you and Tom were together for almost 30 years. Are they angry about you meeting someone who treats you like a queen or are they trying to control your life?
I would think they may feel threatened but also would think they should be mature enough to be happy you found someone that you love and are loved by....I do not have children, so not the best person to offer ideas, I am sure others will weigh in.....I am happy you found someone...who treats you like a queen. Maybe it's time you start thinking about your own happiness....
If it weren't for the mental health issues I would recommend some tough love here, telling the girls that they have no right to interfere in your happiness with Jay or any other man. Not knowing your daughters, I'm not certain that would work.
You said that they didn't treat you and Tom well for years - aside from the issue with Jay, are they treating you well now? If not, then it's time for some family counselling - for you, individually first, then together with your daughters to discuss their behaviour towards you and their disrespect. You need a neutral party to give you back up. Clergy, another trusted family friend, or a counsellor trained to deal with mental illness and addiction.
All the best, and let us know how it goes.
Xo Jac
I have been widowed for 18 months and started seeing someone. My Son's have not met him. My oldest Son asks questions and seems to want to know what kind of person I am seeing. My youngest Son doesn't want to hear anything about it.
Hugs, Sandi
Maggie