just be very,very cautious. you are still vulnerable, rely closely on your supportive family and friends and give weight to their insight. in the end you have to follow your heart

I lost my husband about 2 years ago and I miss him still. I've been dating the guy for about almost a year and he lives out of state with his work and would visit holidays weekends and it's great and he's about to move back down and I thought it was ready for us to maybe move in together and I had to stop I didn't feel comfortable so I prayed to God to give me a sign and he did and it was a pastor giving a sermon on conscience. And my conscience was telling me I wasn't ready. I don't want to be alone either but I used to tell my husband all the time rather be alone and happy and not with someone and unhappy. So my advice is just be happy.

It is doable, but not easily navigated. I seemed to find or become attracted to men who had similar health issues as my late spouses. The "guilt" which we still secretly harbor kicks in and says, "Here's a chance for you to save someone else's life, now that you have experience.." But aside from that, I want to say to let it happen naturally, but then again, these white knights don't generally make house calls. You may have to get the word out that you are interested, ready, "available" at some level. You may not really know if you actually are ready unless you try, and you may get burned a few times in the process. I scared a man off into the woods, literally. Just don't make any fatal mistakes. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life either. No stone throwing, please.

I'm pessimistic but I think of if I can't deal with the heartbreak of a break-up on top of grief then I'm probably not ready. But that's just me and others are able to deal with it.

Sometimes the passion and the need to spend the rest of the live with me puts pressure on the relationship, and the guy may not be ready or even looking for that. Like Scottie mentioned you might have thought you love that new guy but you really meant you lonely him.

On the dating sites you have to be careful. You can't really know a person till you personally meet. Of course they are going to try to impress you, and they may not be who or what you think. I dated a guy for about 6 months after being widowed the first time (he found me on Facebook). We even had mutual friends, but this guy turned out to be a real creep. Right after I moved across the street from him, we broke up. I had to still see him from time to time, and I thought it was the end of the world. He was divorced, and we were both needy, but we were not a match. I don't even know if he is still alive. Such a waste of time.

Wow! That is a great question..

Dating as in "flings" I definitely would avoid at all costs. I would try to find the real deal - not easily found these days.

amcole - Been there, done that. He said he would never compare, but it did happen sometimes. You feel like a threesome or foursome. If you find someone who has never been married, then usually there is a reason why they haven't been. Such as being odd.

Like you, no bites, no wounds. It turns out that they're married or something. (Why can't they act like they are married or somehow make it known?) Today, my tentative plan is to move to Missouri, but I have 6 months yet to decide.

I sincerely appreciate all of the great advice and words of wisdom. I am a pretty good judge of character and tend to be extremely suspicious. I've encountered my share of scammers on this site and the dating site. They are usually recognizable, but of course I'd always proceed cautiously. I tend not to make rash decisions ( that's such an understatement as I despise change). I guess it's all a process. I do think about the comparing issue, I don't see how you can avoid it on some levels but yes you need to accept each person for their individuality. I have no idea what my future holds but right now I'm just enjoying the online conversation. We do coincidentally work in the same field in the same city so at some point I can check around about him. Just one day at a time like I've been doing. Can't look too far ahead, that's the lesson I've learned. I could be dead tomorrow so I just go day by day. Hopefully the worst thing in my life is behind me although the aftershock will reverberate forever in my heart and soul. Thanks for all of your support and concern. Marybeth

Hmmm... I wonder if we live in the same city???

I'm just curious as to who the scammers were, or if this is confidential. I got one fellow's email address really quick, and he quit talking to me all of a sudden as well.

Allow yourself to hear deep in your heart/soul, what your gut says . When the time is right, you wont need or want to ask others, you will just know within yourself.

It is possible, although our husbands/wives are passed, they guide us, and others to us. Much love, best wishes, and enjoy your life.. Its all about choices, some will be great and some not so much, but that even at our age, is how we learn, sometimes by doing, and figuring out for ourselves if we are ready.... forwhatever comes our way... not just in dating..

the last time i went on a date was the last date i ever went on, after that is was only jean. im 70 ,so i dont have the same challenges that younger people on this site face. our children are grown and successful, there are no financial burdens.but in the end my life is empty and meaningless. i will never have another good day ,what the fuck am i doing here?

met, never a young plastic surgeon, but a nigerian prince just offered me a fortune

would you like his e mail address