Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Cure for grief

JFerrante
JFerrante
It has taken almost three years to realize what will relieve me of this terrible grief that seems to still have me in its tight grip, although not as overwhelming. The loneliness just fuels the grief! However, the only cure is to find someone else.

How am I going to fall in love with another partner when I know in my heart that I should be with my Tom? I feel this with every part of me and no longer feel whole anymore. I wish so much that I could join him soon.

It is so hard going on without him. I need a partner in this hostile world.

Love doesn't happen with a few planned steps. It is a natural process, not a shallow guarantee from some online dating site.

Meeting Tom was once in a lifetime. I just don't see the point of going on without him, and I don't, nor am I ready, for the ups and downs of another relationship. Why do I have to start from scratch again? Why was I left behind?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish I had an answer. I ask myself why all the time.
But I think you should go on. Tom would want you to be happy & enjoy life again.. We can't bring them back, but we can honor their lives by living ours to the fullest..

Hang in there my friend..
Hugs, Cyndi
deleted_user
deleted_user
A special hug to you, all of us here feel terribly lonely, but I agree with Cybdi. Hang in there, we all care.
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
I'm going to suggest that you might still feel lonely if you found someone else.

I think you are simply not ready yet. That time will eventually come, and things will happen. But not just yet.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hear ya. I still have a child at home, so I will not date for a few years, but I will try internet dating once I get ready. Really what other choices do you have at our age...hit the bars?
I hope we all find love again one day.
XO Sabine
laurabp
laurabp
This may sound stupid, but it's the only thing I can think of....what about finding some new interersts, clubs, hobbies etc. where the purpose would not be to meet a future partner, but just to make new friends who share your interests? It could fill in some of the loneliness, and even eventually, get you in touch with someone else you could love. What could you lose? At least it would be a step forward, right? Please don't think I am trying to minimize your grief; I just think you need to be able to do something to feel that you are helping yourself, getting some control back over your life. I'm sending prayers and good thoughts your way. laurabp
deleted_user
deleted_user
i think we all ask why and we never get an answer that is good enough. for me, everything is still raw as my husband was shot and murdered january 9th, so it hasn't even been a month. i don't think there is a cure for grief, i think that people who experience this tragedy must just go through it. we have no choice. i think replacing your beloved with someone new is the wrong answer because you are only disguising pain that will resurface later and effect the new partner, which is not fair to you or them. the only time it is acceptable is when YOU are READY and only then. and if you are still wandering around comparing everyone you meet to your lost loved one, then you will never be sucessful.
tskks
tskks
I think sometimes we are so tired of the pain we think of someone else as a distraction, a vacation from the grief. Nothing else we try seems to work for any length of time so we think maybe the only thing to stop the pain is to find someone to love again. But (in my case) when we really truly examine our motivation and fear and even repulsion at the thought of entering into a new relationship we know it's not the answer. So we get back to what we need to do-continue to fully grieve the loss of our love.It's only been a year for me and I hope one day I will be ready to start anew. But that day is a long way from today.
You have been at this for 3 years. I think there is a danger in getting stuck in grief and you may nee help overcoming it so you can move on for all the right reasons.
All the best
deleted_user
deleted_user
I understand where you care coming from.
it been 9 months for me,
I did go out with someone just recent, felt guilty but I know I have my husband blessings to do so, as he told me more than once to move on with my life. He knows me way to well. LOL
I've even talked to him about this, and feel he is telling me he doesn't like the idea someone may date me, but he for it. If that makes sense.
I will cherish what my husband had, he was my soulmate, but he loved me enought for me to be realize and to one day if that day ever occurs for me to find love again, someone that can share my life with me and vice versa.
I" ve talked to widows before too, and they have told me no matter If I find someone else or not there will be those days that I iwll miss him dearly and will sit and cry. Both of these widows have remarried and been thru that missing their first mate.

we all need to move on, and know that GOD has a bigger plan for our lives and left it up to HIM, on what happens.
I know I belong to a group called the REd hAT SOCIETY, it been a help to go and do fun things with them,, but the lonelyness is still there from time to time.

I don't think there is a right answer, for we were all married to a great mate, otherwise we wouldn't be here, hurting and griefing thier lost, and missing them.
We just got to get thru the day, making it day by day, and with each day we hope it gets a little better.

wishing the best in whatever you do.
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