I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel...my husband passed a little over 7 weeks ago, and I don't know how to go on without him. The more time that passes, the worse it gets, so I know where you are coming from. It's not fair.
This is a good site...you'll find a lot of support and people who understand how you are feeling. take care, Wendi

So very sorry for your loss. Tomorrow will be 5 months for me. I feel the same as you do. Mine was my soulmate. And yes I was with him for more than half my life. I to feel it it gets harder everyday. Rudderless. But we have to believe it will ebb. I so value the wisdom and experience of those who have been thru this before me, believe that it will get better. I do. God has a plan, and when he knows we are ready, healed, he will put us back on track.

Suffering with you.
Hugs and healing thoughts
Bev.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is 4 months for me and most days it is still raw. I knew my husband for 40 years and am 60. I feel we were blessed because we retired 3 years ago and travelled a lot before he got sick. Now, i go through the motions. I can't even comprehend what this life is going to be like. I do find that reading the posts and writing to others helps me get some of this hurt and anger out. i need to express it to those who get it. Maybe we need to live with this pain before we can let it go. Patti

I'm sorry for the pain you struggle with. I struggled too with so many questions. June will be 8 years for me, so I've been through the process up to now. I've feared the future, been angry at the unfairness of the past and cried with loneliness.

My life is not the same, it can never be. I have a life though and it's good. I struggled through the process and even began to feel like I wanted to stop living under this cloud of despair. You can't go around it. You can't deny it. The only way is through it and like being in a dark tunnel you will find the way to enter life again. Sharon

Dear Marsha . . . Unfortunately all of we here have been where you are at some point along our grief journey. Just know that you are not alone in your grief. Your feelings are quite normal, so don't expect more from yourself right now. The tears are healing tears, let them flow. Sharon is so right . . . there is no way around this, we move through it. We do this in baby steps, one moment, one hour, one day at a time. Try not to think too far into the future, keep it in today. Slowly, with time you will start to heal. Your life will never be the same, but it can become a fulfilled life once again. Welcome to our family here. You will find much support either one on one, or simply reading the posts here. My deepest condolences to you, so sorry you had to find us. Sending lots of healing energy, thoughts and prayers to you. Hugs, Dayna

((((Marsha)))).....so sorry you are not a member of "the club"! This is a place of healing and extreme understanding.

Try to just take it moment by moment, hour by hour and know that we understand exactly how you feel and what you are going through.

Comforting thoughts to you
Jen

At 8 1/2 months for me I could have written your post. Exactly how I am feeling right now. Very very depressed each and every lonely day. The problems just keep coming each day is a new one to deal with. Friends think I am fine so they don't come around much anymore. Yesterday, I cut the grass, 3 acres and broke the chute on the tractor. Today I fixed it myself and finished cutting, but cannot get the trimmer to start which started fine last week. Always something. Changed a bunch of lightbulbs and fixed the sink. Life alone is so hard and so sad.I too feel a broken heart can kill you and I too am no longer afraid of death. Time doesn't heal it, we just learn to live with it better. This month has been almost worse than the beginning I think because its real now. The numbness is worn off.
Just know that all of us here have either been there or are still there and we will always listen, help and care. You have come to the right place. I wouldn't have made it this far without DS and all the people here.

I am so deeply sorry for your loss.
I truly hope you will give yourself the time to feel your grief. Moving forward through the grief of losing a spouse, is a journey like no other. I am glad you came here, it's a safe place to be.
.Remember, you are not alone on this journey, we all feel your heartache.
Hugs....and more hugs.......Sandra

My husband died almost a year ago. Yes this is a hard journey that only others that have walked this path understand. Like you, I come home after work to a quiet and empty house. Like you, I no longer fear death. And yes, like you, I have felt that you can die from a broken heart after losing your spouse. At one year, I can say I am beginning to learn to live with my loss. My job gives me satisfaction, my dogs give me love and comfort, and I am surviving. Early on I went to a therapist, a support group, and got on medication. I'm no longer seeing the therapist, am weaning off the meds, but I continue to go to the support group. I've made friends there that I have a special connection with. Try to stay connected with your friends. Reach out and make time to be with those that understand. Take it a day at a time. It's a long process.. Sharon always has wise words. She is right when she says there is no way around it. Life will never be the same, but with time you will begin to rebuild your life if you make a conscious choice to do so. I truly believe the best way to honor our husbands is to choose happiness. My condolence's to you, and welcome to this group. Taking it a day at a time with you....Lori

Learning to live with the pain is part of the recovery process. You learn to accept the loss as part of your new norm. I'm five years out. In the early days I would hear someone coming up the stairs(we lived in an apartment) and think it was my husband. I would feel such pain when the person continued up the stairs. Sometimes I would be in a store and see a man who looked like him and for a moment I would get excited. And then I would realize it couldn't possibly be him. Again the pain.

But now it's been five years. I know that the footsteps on the stairs means a neighbor is coming home. And the man in the store is just a man. He's not my husband. I'm used to coming home to an empty house. I'm used to going out without him. Is it better? No. The only thing better is having him back. But that is not possible. But I no longer spend my days crying. I've moved on to a new norm of happiness. Now my days are filled with life. I work, spend time with my grandkids, attend social events, go to church, etc. In short, I've moved on. I feel no guilt for moving on because I know that is what he would want.

For those of you new to this journey, know that you will not always feel the pain that you now feel. Instead, you will learn a new way of living and that new way will still include the love you feel for your spouse, but the pain will not be as intense and you will learn to smile again. Life, indeed goes on.