Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
1 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Crapaversary and Holidays

Grimmer
Grimmer

My wife passed away November 26 of last year. This year of course it falls on Thanksgiving.


My wife passed away November 26 of last year. This year of course it falls on Thanksgiving.


I just feel awful today. I miss her so much. I feel so alone.  We did not have kids.  I have a wonderful extended family and I have met some great widowed people who support me.  I feel like I am letting them all down.  I just wish I could die.  I have resigned myself to not take my life until after my parents pass as that would be cruel and they might need me at some point so I am not going to do it.  Even though I wish I could.


I have so many regrets they pile up on me when I am down and all I can see are my failures and how I let her down.  How I was not enough for the woman I loved so she drank and it took her from me.  I have been told over and over it was not me, but it is hard not to feel that way.


thank you for reading, I feel like a broken record with everyone, I am just broken and can not stop skipping and repeating in this.  It is my torture for failing her, and I know I deserve it, It is just hard some days to dig out if it.


I hope you are having a better day!  Thanks for letting me vent, I needed to get it out somehow.


Surrender930
Surrender930
Hugs to you, Joe. :(

It's a difficult time, made worse by the holiday.

I wish I could take your pain away.

Please keep talking to us. We can help each other through this.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Tess
Veronica77
Veronica77
Mike's birthday was on November 7. It really hit me this time that he should be here. A lot of us feel like our partner should be here. Your wife had a disease much like people who can't stop eating (something I can relate to). It is not your fault. She would want you to move forward and find a new life. (((Gentle Hugs)))
Grimmer
Grimmer
Thank you Tess and Veronica for sharing and your support.
I know mentally all the things about what I should be doing. Emotionally I am not able to get through it yet to connect the thoughts with the emotions. It is just overwhelming at times still.

Best wishes everyone,
Joe
Samwise1234
Samwise1234
Grimmer I am new here, just joined today and we shared the same feelings on thanksgiving. She passed on 9/26/20, 2 month anniversary. I know the feeling of lonely. Being an alcoholic I can say that it was her (your wife) with the problem that she couldn't cope with. I had mine and it took me a long time to find my answers. First thing I know she had to do was get and stay sober but she needed to accept the help. It's over 12 years for me now sober. I have many regrets also but what helped me some was instead of thinking of how I failed her I really searched through the years to find the good things I had done for her. There were many as I believe you will find the same result. As far as being broken join the crowd. Anyone here will say the same kind of words because in a way we are all broken. Together we can help each other.
Grimmer
Grimmer
SW,
Thank you for your kindness in responding, especially with your unique perspective. That disease is so awful, I am glad you are sober and I hope you are able to continue in a contented sobriety.
I am sorry for your loss and with it being so recent, I admire your strength!
I am really trying and am making progress thanks to help from some wonderful widowed people met on this site and locally!! I wish I never had to meet them nor they have this reason to meet me, however I am so thankful for the help!!
Best wishes to everyone that each day sucks a little less!!
(That came from a walk with one of those wonderful widowed friends and just seems to fit how I feel and is sometimes the best I can hope for)

Joe
Samwise1234
Samwise1234
I am really glad that my perspective may help some people in understanding why no matter how hard they tried to help. nothing worked. I am thankful for all the responses in this chat and if I can help others it literally makes me feel a little better. Your phrase, you took good care of her now it's time to take care of yourself hits home. The thing I find most difficult to deal with is the silence. You see I don't have any widowed friends. My reality is that I am alone at home unless you want to call a dog and cat company. In short I don't know how to have a life yet. I guess it's the same as any journey, It begins with the first step.