Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my wife to ovarian cancer 5 years ago and it does not get any better it gets worse especially since I saw her pass away that never leaves. When you lose that physical connection with a spouse and if it does not get replaced to be able to move on with life it makes me feel like I do not want to live anymore. I have severe depression on top of this. 5 years is a long long time to still be lonely. I have told myself if I am not able to share my love with someone else by July of this year I feel like taking a gun to my head and ending it all. All of my faith is slowly being drained. February 22nd is the anniversary of my wife's passing. I do not know if anyone of you can help me. Kevin
I understand both your depression and suicidal thinking. Unless one has been there, one cannot understand the devastating and hopelessness one feels to get to the edge of ending one's life. I do get that . . once again have been there in the past (non-related to losing my husband recently). It's not just depression that is driving your mind to obsessing over such a choice, but rather "fear and survival" issues in my opinion. I am NOT a therapist and can not clinically say for sure. Just sharing my experience. How did I get help? I checked myself into a psych ward upon advice from others' who had been there. Nothing wrong with asking for help in any form when you need it. So what happened in the psch ward? My episodes got worse for a while as they were trying to medicate me, all the meds seem to do was make me hallucinate and feel truly insane. Instead of wanting to kill myself, I was dreaming of killing other people (even worse). I finally came to the realization that this was a "spiritual" issue between my Creator and me. I prayed non-stop to be released from the demons in my mind that were driving me to such an extreme to want to end life. I started seeing a fantastic therapist on a regular basis to work on the underlying issues and there were many, got off the meds all together and by the Grace of God, I am here to tell you that you CAN beat this shit. (Excuse my language). It's a choice, and only you can make that choice. This is a tough topic for many to discuss or touch, so don't be disappointed in lack of replies here. I get that also. It's okay . . . BTW, I think there is a suicide support group on DS, you might want to read some of the discussions posted there on the fallout of the legacy of chaos you would leave behind should you chose to go with your choice of ending your life. You may not think that others would care, or that you don't care enough . . but there are always people left behind that would suffer by said choice. Again, I know it's not enough to "save" you from the psychotic mind right now. Please reach out and get some help. There are suicide hotlines. Talk to others that can counsel you and help you. There is much life to be lived still . . . much joy to experience when you are on the other side of this. I have gone on to be a "survivor" and don't regret my decision to live for one moment. It's been 20 plus years now for me and I have had many ups and downs as we never escape all the inherent dichotomies in life . . but I wouldn't trade it for the alternative. I made a wise choice to live, and I hope that you will as well. My prayers are with you. BTW I'm not a religious person, so not touting religion here, touting "spirituality". Peace be with you my friend . . you are in my thoughts. Big hug, Dayna
Please continue to reach out here and let the people on this site offer what they can. Some have been where you are and some have not, but all have suffered the pain of loss and can at least listen when you need to talk, offer what has worked for them, and just walk beside you for a while.
I don't always post, but I read here every single day, and it's true that there is strength in numbers. Please keep coming back!
Come to DS also.
I will be praying for you. I am concern about you. Please get help.
please please listen to what the others are saying...there are many people here that want to help....Im not a deeply religious person but I do have a strong Faith in God...I am praying that you can find the words to tell us how we can help.......Im so sorry for your loss