I’m very sorry for your loss. Yes, it is very normal to experience all of these different emotions. Dealing with losing a loved one is extremely difficult and painful. Let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling. Time doesn’t heal wounds but it does lessen the pain. Try to get out and enjoy some sunshine, focus on having time to do whatever your heart desires. I know many of us find it so difficult to move on but I realized early on that I have to live my life to the fullest and that death is unavoidable, no matter how much we don’t want to think about it. It sounds like you spent a lot of time taking care of your husband and I’m sure he appreciated everything you did for him. Now it’s time to take care of yoursel.f. You have to eat even though it’s probably the last thing you feel like doing, try to get some rest but don’t spend the entire day in bed, go for walks and enjoy the simple things like flowers, birds, people walking their dogs.... basically life all around you. Believe me, life goes on even if we think it stopped. It will get better but you need to grieve in all the different stages it comes in. Sending you a hug and a wish for lighter days ahead.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate them.

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. I think it's very normal-you've had a huge change in your loss. Have you considered finding a local group of people who have also lost their spouses. We have a fun group in our community of women-they call themselves The Black Widows. They meet for coffee, go out to dinner, and support each other. My friend's mom has a group too-they call themselves The Coffee Girls, because they started out just meeting for coffee once a week. And now they do so much more-they even have matching coffee cups that say The Coffee Girls. You might consider it.

Ellenny...Now is the time to rest...there will be more activity in the future.
Nourish yourself with light foods, walk in the sun, take an afternoon nap, meditate and do the dishes. Post on this website or others when you need to.

It is completely normal. Grief is unique to everyone but has many similarities!

The first year is often described as walking through a fog, coasting... And the second year of grief sometimes as painful because now you are more aware/alert.

And while we go through this, there are the must attend to items that cannot be neglected ...

You are now on a journey where you will feel like you are on a roller coaster ride , not by choice. The hard days will ease and you will feel somewhat better, only to crash and meltdown the next minute. That in itself is confusing.

The best thing you can do is to be kind to yourself. It is perfectly o.k. to nurture yourself and heal.

Grief in my opinion is a major trauma to the heart and sole both mentally and physically. Just as someone in a major car crash would be allowed to heal and not push the recovery, one must be gentle and kind in their grief recovery.

I am in the 8 th year of my journey and do not come here as often. I have found purpose with my life in going to school at 50 and finally getting to do the job I always wanted to do. It may be only for a short time but the last 4 years have been amazing in that regard. I have also found new to me hobbies that I can do as part of a group or by myself. My new passion is recreational kayaking.

It is probably impossible at your stage of the journey to imagine a time when you may feel joy again, breathe easy again or live life again..... Be kind to yourself.
I'm glad I was.....

Just coming out of the second year of grief after losing my wonderful husband of 40 years! I can honestly say I barely remember the days you are living at this moment. If I could go back I would be kinder to myself in those early days and allowed myself time to just absorb the massive shock I was about to embark on. Give yourself GRACE to enter this next phase of life dear one. I highly recommend a book "It's OK to Not Be Okay" by Megan Devine.

That's very normal. Grief is a roller coaster and isn't linear. There are ups and downs, varying emotions. Be kind to yourself. Things will change. The ones that have years ahead of us can attest to the healing that will take place. It's just so hard when you want to know when you will feel better.

Sleeping is so hard to do sometimes. I wake up a lot and I feel badly the next day. A 3o minute nap each day won't hurt you if you can do it.

So sorry for your loss, trust me, we all know your pain and emotions, we've been there. For a year I had to take care of my husband as he was dying of pancreatic cancer, tending to him, praying together, total devotion and then he passed and I was lost, just lost without him. For the first few months I slept in his bathrobe, wore his flannel shirts just to feel him near me. It has been a few yrs and have walked this grief journey with ups and downs. I have learned to be kind to myself, spend a good amount of time in nature, enjoy friends and family but there are still times when I'm alone I literally cry my eyeballs out, even now. I will always love and miss my husband, have accepted that, trying to push those feelings away did not help me. I try to focus on our wonderful life we had together, and know one day I will see him again. Take deep breaths, be kind to yourself, it does get easier, take one day at a time. Take care of yourself, hugs Jan.

lovesloons - Hugs to you. I have felt those dry eyeballs that feel like sandpaper after crying forever, I have walked the caregiver walk too, It's a shock to leave that behind and stare into a pit of nothingness,

I understand where you are at. I am there too. My husband died May 2. We were very close. He was my soulmate. I try to hang on to believing that I will see him again, but the separation is so hard. I get a lump in my throat just writing about him. I was his caregiver when before he went into hospice. It was hard because he had brain cancer. I am not sure what he really knew when he passed. I am 63 years old and I am wondering what is next and what I am supposed to do with myself. It is indeed lonely. However, I have tried to stay active and focus on my job. I have a 91 year-old-dad and help my stepmom with him. However, I always feel like part of me is missing. I have faith and pray for comfort all the time. I find that helps. Know that you are wrapped in love. Think about the little things that make you happy and do more of that each day. I really don't have any other answers other than to say I understand and you are not alone. Hugs.

MeloinMidwest - you are smart to stay active. That is hard to do, especially with covid. If you have found things that make you happy, that is a real step forward, IMO. I am not there.

I also pray daily for comfort but it comes in small doses (if it comes at all) and for that I am thankful but acceptance is hard and seems to come and go. That wishing for what is gone is something that I think sets me back or at least makes me feel like it sets me back.

Ellenny,
I share in your grief as I lost my wife of 49 years on April 10th of this year.
My emotions spanned: Sorrow, Guilt and Anger. Not anger at my wife, but as sto why was she taken from me. Many people do have ange for their lost spouse for leavign them. Sorrow for never havign her get better and to have come home. My guilt is that I feel she is missing out on things that she could and should be doing with me.

Condolences are particurarly hard to take becaue too many people say what they have heard others say before. Their intentions are good but that's it. You hear people say "I understand." No, they don;t understand. Losing your spouse is not like losing a parent, grandparent, etc. You lost your partner and best friend that will affect the rest of your life. And thenyou hear. "Don't make any immediate decisions, you have time on your side." Yes, you have time, the rest of your life. These people think they are going to say two words that is goig to snap you out of your grief. It is normal. IT IS YOUR GRIEF. It is your't to heal from.

Do not let your grief drill you down into a state of disfunctionality. Your husband would not want you to not move on. You do not have to feel guilty about moving on. You are not cheating on him.

Do not compare your state of grief with those of your family and friends, especially your children. They have quickly back to normalicy and back to their lives afterall they have their family, house, car and job. It';s normal, so don;t torment youself by your comparison.

I find the most simple things hard to handle. I can't watch televison programs because of where my mind is when i am watchign it or thinking that we watched that together and if I continue to watch it she will miss it. That's normal. Cleaning the house, cooking a meal. You can't help to think "Is this the rest of my life?

Grief counselors will not cure your grief. They will listen and they have the ability to get you to open up and talk.

One of the best things that I did to help me was 3 months after my wifes death, I sent 64 letters to family, friends and former coleagues. It was hard to write, but it gave me the ability to say things that I could not verbally say in person or on the phone without breaking down and sobbing.

Bottom line is that your grief, I YOUR GRIEF. Everyones grief is different. What you are experiencing is not just you. Don't listen to anyone give you a timetable as to in xMonths you shoudl feel like this and in xMonths you should feel like that. Take all of those opinions and $10.00 and you can get a cup of coffee anywhere.

I wish you peace and comfort. I used to think that the word 'Heartache' was just a simple verb. Now I know it's true meaning.