I understand why you would feel so comfortable with fellow widowers. I don`t know any widows but would love to hang with them since they understand what we feel and how lonely we are. I am glad for you that you have this opportunity. It has been just over two months for me since my husband died and my friends keep telling me it will get better soon. How can it get better when our lives have changed forever. I am happy for you and so sorry for your loss.

Lu Ann

Pete,

That sounds like a good thing to me, someone to be comfortable with when you are together.
I don't have any close friends who are widowed. They all are still couples, so it is hard to be with them. Glad you have these friends.
Hugs, Joely

Absolutely- friends who have been through the same thing are the best! My best friend & her husband had been friends of ours for 35 years. Her husband passed away 5 years ago. The really strange thing is my husband passed away on her husband's birthday. It made getting through my husband's 1st anniversary of his deatIh & her hubby's birthday much easier as we spent the day out together & kept busy. I have two other girlfriends with similar situations & we are always doing things together. They have been so instrumental in helong me with my grief. Glad you have friends like that also.

How fortunate for you to have friends that understand exactly where you are coming from......I wish I had that. All of my friends belong to a couple. My mom is the only other widow that I know. I am happy for you.

I have only one friend like that, but yes......Whether we are talking about missing our husbands or just life after.......There is a level of understanding there, I cannot find with otherwise good friends who really don't have too much good to say about marriage or that have these rosie ideas about how it will be for them. Fiction vs Non-Fiction, I guess.

I actually feel the opposite. I am so glad for this website, don't know what I would do without all of you, but whenever I meet another widow, I feel uncomfortable. Maybe it's because I am 32 that I don't meet very many my age. I continually compare my progress with theirs, ie. they are in a relationship, they are remarried, they have so many friends, they seem they seem to be coping better.

I have found that my friends that knew my husband are the best for me. They let me talk about him whenever I want or need and they share as well. Still, over a year later I am learning things about him i never knew.

I am happy for anyone who can find friends of anykind to share with.

Pete,

I agree that those who are walking the same path don't critique every comment or action. I found, especially during those first months, that I had to guard my words around those who had not experienced loss. They either became alarmed if my comment was too 'sad,' or they raised one eyebrow if I acted too jovial. I felt like I was in a lose-lose situation. With time that seemed to level out, and they didn't react but just accepted me as I was. Yes, we are in a class all its own, and it takes quite a while for others, as well as ourselves, to understand the particulars.

I'm glad you have such a friendship with others who know loss and you all can be yourselves around one another. At this time in our lives, we need to have friends who represent our soft place to land when the world gets out of control. Blessings as you veg out with these exceptional friends. TJ

I enjoy being with friends who knew my husband well. It's very comfortable, and I can relax. I can't cling to that for too long - I feel now after almost two years, that I have to move on. I don't want to be ''the Widow''. You know what I mean - I'm not forgetting about Jerry, but I need to find another path. I can't wallow in it because it hurts my heart to relive the life we had, the places we went, etc. You are lucky to find comfort - especially being the only ''hombre'', and being peaceful is a good thing I guess, but for me, I need to go out of my comfort zone. That includes knowing better who I am NOW. xoxox Vicki

It is nice to have them around, I agree. I have a widower friend (he was an acquaintance/friend from the past) that we now share dinner, movies or just watching tv together. We have had alot of conversation about our spouses as well as cancer and doctors.
Some of my widow friends keep in touch, but the one that is my closest friend is usually busy with work or a relationship with her latest beau!
As some of us on here have been married for most of our lives, it is scary to even think about the dating scene!
Kate

I have found many widow friends through Hospice. My husband was not sick, he left me suddenly without warning. Hospice is in all communities and they have grief support groups. It is a good thing. I do not know what I would have done without their help. I would recommend looking them up and going to the support group where you will meet others who understand you. My husband Kenny has been gone for 3 years now and I still meet up with my friends from the group a couple of times a month. We just sit and talk or go to dinner. Sometimes we will all meet up and take a nice walk. It has helped me alot. Love to all.....

Cathy

Prior to losing my husband I knew three widows but only as aquaintances. Two are members of my bookclub and the other one's son played hockey with my son over the years. They really befriended me and have been by my side for the duration. I am so close to them now and will never forget their kindness. I have also made two new widow friends from my bereavement group and one at my new job. You're right, it's like we speak a strange language that only those who have gone thru this experience can truly understand.

After Ross died a group of elderly widows at my church literally "surrounded" me. They offered real support and real understanding. Although there was a huge age difference between us, we all became closely bonded. I would often join them for lunch after church and still consider some of them to be my closest friends. They really KNEW and UNDERSTOOD what I was going through, no matter what our ages.

I remarried a widowed man last year. We had two tables of honored guests at our wedding -- and they were all my widowed friends!! Let me tell you, those gals knew how to LIVE!!

I live so far from a larger near town, the community I am in does not even have a town its just a mt top community of people.

Finding another widow/widower is hard, the widows here are much older, and moved out closer to town/less harsh weather etc.

I am going to join the local Lions club to break the silence