Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I have been crying all day today because yesterday I had to go to my late partner Tom's house to collect more memories. The brother-in-law was there to record everything that I took and gave me about two hours to collect anything.
When I arrived I received no hello, just all business. I had received this treatment before, didn't make an issue out of it, because at this point with his sister (was not there) being the executor, all is out of my hands, but I will make sure I get what is willed to me.
The yard looked like it hadn't been mowed in over a year and the place looked horrible, and this is a house that they intend to sell asap?! And the real estate market is in terrible shape.
I visited Tom's former boss after that and he said that the day before Tom passed he said his sister didn't care at all about him - and this is true. His whole family didn't show up for him at the hospital, only some teacher colleagues, gay friends and of course me.
When I got home, I was crying and said to Tom, I'm sorry, but I hate your sister's guts, she is a horrible person for what she did to you.
I felt so awful for the emotional turmoil that Tom had to endure, on top of his physical condition. He also said that he wanted to change his will and give it all to me when he recovered.
I know there is nothing that can be done now, but his family didn't deserve a dime. Why do the undeserving have to be rewarded? Now I have had to deal with his terrible family since his passing, and as I suspected, his family didn't care at all about him.
They hadn't seen him in over a year before his death, so why should they have bothered to make it to the hospital? I hope the guilt eats her alive for the rest of her life.
I also suspect that there is underlying hostility about our gay relationship. I'm not sure if they were ever admit, and I never hear from them unless it involves the business of the will.
Have others had to deal with the on-going nightmare of so-called family who pretended to give a rat's ass about their departed family member?
James
When I arrived I received no hello, just all business. I had received this treatment before, didn't make an issue out of it, because at this point with his sister (was not there) being the executor, all is out of my hands, but I will make sure I get what is willed to me.
The yard looked like it hadn't been mowed in over a year and the place looked horrible, and this is a house that they intend to sell asap?! And the real estate market is in terrible shape.
I visited Tom's former boss after that and he said that the day before Tom passed he said his sister didn't care at all about him - and this is true. His whole family didn't show up for him at the hospital, only some teacher colleagues, gay friends and of course me.
When I got home, I was crying and said to Tom, I'm sorry, but I hate your sister's guts, she is a horrible person for what she did to you.
I felt so awful for the emotional turmoil that Tom had to endure, on top of his physical condition. He also said that he wanted to change his will and give it all to me when he recovered.
I know there is nothing that can be done now, but his family didn't deserve a dime. Why do the undeserving have to be rewarded? Now I have had to deal with his terrible family since his passing, and as I suspected, his family didn't care at all about him.
They hadn't seen him in over a year before his death, so why should they have bothered to make it to the hospital? I hope the guilt eats her alive for the rest of her life.
I also suspect that there is underlying hostility about our gay relationship. I'm not sure if they were ever admit, and I never hear from them unless it involves the business of the will.
Have others had to deal with the on-going nightmare of so-called family who pretended to give a rat's ass about their departed family member?
James
It's a shame you have to put up with this horrible family, but hopefully after all is said and done, you won't EVER have to see or talk to them again! I'm sure that would suit Tom just fine! And God bless you for being such an important part of Tom's life. Take care & God bless. hugs, Lee
Mike was brought up in a VERY disfunctional alchoholic family, all three children has needed counseling during their life. All have had addiction problems and the other two brothers actually removed themselves from the family for a number of years, but not Mike, he was given up on. Mike had a severe alchohol dependacy and each family member simply gave up.But Mike was always there for anyone of them. He raised his son until the age of ~4 because Daniels mother was phycotic and on drugs. Miek was a very successful concrete contracter her in Tucson during his sober years, then the demon got the best of him and he lost everything. No one explained to his son what the problem was he just thought his Dad didn't love him. The parents... the Dad came over to "check on us" every other week but it was to put Mike down, The mother in 7 1/2 years was never over to our house or visited him in the hospital when Mike was in for Detox. ( only 1 time ) I was treated like an angel when Mike was alive, Now, no one talks to me, or replys to my emails. I have invited them to two events, one was a potluck and balloon release held by my bereavement group the other was just last Friday on the 1 year anniversary, they didn't even call me.
I have Mike's cremains and was told by them I can do what I want with them, his son still hasn't grieved for his Dad, The parents have not helped me finacially even after many situations that they knew I was i n debt over because of Mike. etc.
I hate them for how they treated Mike alive and dead. His dad kicked us out of his house on Christmas 2006 because he thought Mike was drinking and Daniel was on his way over. Mike was sober as a jaybird. his Dad was the one drunk. That was Mike's last Christmas. I hate them for that, he was crushed. Are they even mourning for him. Mike wasthe greatest guy I ever met and would do anything for anybody, how could he have come from such emotionless people. So James I understand completley that families can be ruthless and cruel and all we want is for the memory of our loved one be remembered and honored. God Bless you James, Tom knows what he had for a family and what he had in you and that is all that matters. Love, Hugs and Prayers. - Sherri