Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Closure?

shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17

Today was the day.  I just got back from the morgue.  I had to go down personally to submit some changes I wanted on the headstone.  This morning was one continual panic attack.  Amazingly, we were able to do this in the lobby with a very nice lady who didn't seem to belong in that environment.  


I realize that there is no such thing as total closure, but I feel like I have been carrying this weight on my shoulders for some time - dragging my feet and not wanting it to be FINAL.  Set in stone...


Not sure what the new year brings, but this was a big step, and I think, if I do say so, he would be pleased with the epitaph.  I did my best to sum up his life.  My next question is this:  Will I be able to move away after I have done this??  Remember, I own another small piece of property in Oklahoma - in a "gated" community.

AfterMom
AfterMom
I have not even ordered my husbands' headstone 2 yrs and 8 months since he died, and am facing my third holiday season without him.., very depressed.
You are soldiering on and should be proud of yourself. Well done!!
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
It's difficult, to say the least. I don't feel strong at all. It will take them about 8 weeks to get it done and placed. I have to get out of the house for awhile this evening. My stepson called me this afternoon and talked to me for over an hour. He says they don't care if I eventually remarry but they want me to be very careful. It took Aaron and Sarah 4 years to even accept me, so this really speaks volumes to my heart to be told that they care about me. Who knows? Maybe their kids will start calling me Nana at some point. He was the one who brought it up. But thank you for the encouragement.
AfterMom
AfterMom
you may not feel strong, but you are taking steps anyway. That is the very definition of courage.
denverkim
denverkim
The ability to make ANY decisions at all is surprising to me. I applaud your courage to create an epitaph that will honor your husband, and the decisions you made up to this point.

My husband passed just 12 days ago after a 20-day battle with pancreatic cancer. I had to make the decision for a DNR and to ultimately remove life support. After that, all the decisions of his Celebration of Life service needed to be made, and it was all left to me. I'm not sure today that I could make decisions as decisively as I did just a few days ago. I think the shock put me on auto-pilot.

My heart goes out to you all. This flat-out stinks.