Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband died May 9th and I haven't touched most of his stuff. His clothes are still in the closet, his glasses are still on the night stand. This was a second marriage for both of us and he had no other family. My sons don't have the connection to his childhood things and family 'heirlooms' that he did, so they really don't want much. I feel if I get rid of the stuff, donate it, I am betraying him, what should I do? There are some things that meant a lot to him but I don't have a connection to and have little value.
Everybody does it differently and in their own way, in their own time. So sorry you lost your husband.
What I did was I donated his stacks of pants and shoes that were visible to me in our bedroom because they made me too sad. But I am at almost 3 years and still have most of his shirts which he was known for. Each one is an art piece. I have saved things that have a positive memory associated with them that are a sweet reminder of our connection to each other that still exists. Like Martha said, "people die, love doesn't."
If there are things that meant a lot to him but not to you, maybe find a person or organization who would appreciate them like he did.
Jordan had a lot of vintage electronics and I found a guy who was really into them who gave me some money also. Just one day at a time and no hurry.
Most of all just give yourself some time and space.
No one in our circle and not even our sons could wear Cliff's clothes. He had done all his laundry the day before he died, so I didn't even have much with his scent on it. Cliff died 6 weeks before Christmas, so about that time I packed up most of his clothes and donated them to Goodwill. He was the kind of guy that would have given the shirt off his back, so it seemed right. I later wished I had saved some of his cotton shirts like Countrygal mentions, as I wished I could have had a quilt made but no one had that idea or made the suggestion at the time. My sister drove me to the Goodwill, and I cried and cried in the parking lot after I dropped off his things. I could never have done that on my own at that point. If you do decide to donate some things, have someone with you for support. It is very emotional.
People will also come out of the woodwork asking for his things. Everyone wanted Cliff's tools, and foolishly I gave some of them away. I had to buy new ones later because I needed them!
I found out some of Cliff's things were collectibles, including the guitar amplifier that I was offered $50 for - I eventually sold it for $500. Sorting all that kind of stuff out takes more brain power than we have for at least 6 months.
Unless things were specifically bequeathed by him or legally they are to go to someone else, then remember that what was HIS is now YOURS. You can take your time over this, and I strongly recommend that you do for your own healing. Two months is no time at all, so do not rush yourself and do not let anyone else rush you either. You are entitled to grieve and take your time over this.
Love and Hugs,
Martha