Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband's children were estranged through many years following the divorce from their mother. During the marriage, he worked for her father's business and lived in their state where he had no family of his own origin.
Due to the divorce, Joe lost his children, his house, and his job. After trying for 4 years to make a new life (and the children were being poisoned by their mother about their father and would not see him or call him).
Joe moved to the state where his brother and sister lived, hoping to start a new life, and that is where I came in. We both had been single 9 years before we met each other.
We tried mightily to communicate with his children but they would not accept phone calls, never sent a card for Father's Day. However, they cashed every check we sent for birthdays and Christmas.
Now, the Christmas ornaments. In our first year together, we bought lovely gold ornaments with their names and the year we bought them. Now that Joe is gone, I have the dilema of what to do with the ornaments. The easiest thing would be to toss them in the trash. But something tells me I should sent each child his/her own ornament with a note that the ornament hung in a prominent place on our Christmas tree every year of our marriage to honor them. The problem is that I really don't want to have anything to do with them (don't want to get anything started) but I want them to know that their father really did love them and he had to move to another state in order to go on with his life and be with some family who loved him. And just before he died he hand delivered to each of them a cashier's check for a very nice sum of money.
What would you do with the ornaments, please?
Due to the divorce, Joe lost his children, his house, and his job. After trying for 4 years to make a new life (and the children were being poisoned by their mother about their father and would not see him or call him).
Joe moved to the state where his brother and sister lived, hoping to start a new life, and that is where I came in. We both had been single 9 years before we met each other.
We tried mightily to communicate with his children but they would not accept phone calls, never sent a card for Father's Day. However, they cashed every check we sent for birthdays and Christmas.
Now, the Christmas ornaments. In our first year together, we bought lovely gold ornaments with their names and the year we bought them. Now that Joe is gone, I have the dilema of what to do with the ornaments. The easiest thing would be to toss them in the trash. But something tells me I should sent each child his/her own ornament with a note that the ornament hung in a prominent place on our Christmas tree every year of our marriage to honor them. The problem is that I really don't want to have anything to do with them (don't want to get anything started) but I want them to know that their father really did love them and he had to move to another state in order to go on with his life and be with some family who loved him. And just before he died he hand delivered to each of them a cashier's check for a very nice sum of money.
What would you do with the ornaments, please?
If it was me, I would carefully wrap each ornament, individually, and send it to the child (adult now, I suppose). Along with the ornament, I would send the info you have told us. Make it brief and to the point ~~ as to why you have the ornaments~~and that their dad truly loved them. Then, you've done your part and probably won't hear from them again. IMHO (in my humble opinion)
Unfortunately, iMO, no one will ever value the objects as you and he did. I would will them to the children; perhaps the older they get, the more they could appreciate them. If you decorate, perhaps continue to put them up. A compromise might be to write them a note, and ask them if they wanted the ornaments. But consider you may receive an unwelcome reply.
Blessings on your new roads.
Even here on DS, people have shared that the first year is the hardest. It might be hard for them as well.
Wait a year. Next year, the emotions should have subsided. Perhaps, you would have communicated with them. Perhaps they will better appreciate the gesture.
in the end, i do agree you should send them, just make sure it is the right time for you.
wishing you peace
judi
Hugs, Dianne
ReneeArose
Hugs,
Cie