Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
. This post will explain my personal journey through by far the most painful part of my grief process. First you need to know my wife Pablita was rushed to the hospital by ambulance Christmas morning at 4 pm in respiratory distress She had thyroid cancer and the tumour was obtructing her airway. On the ride in the ambulance I prayed to God to take care of her never dreaming that she would pass away Jan 4, 10 days after Christmas. That journey on the palliative care unit was her last and brutal in every sense of the word and yet a blessing at the same time. My wife had fought her cancer for 6 months. That Christmas evening after being admitted to the hospital she told me I have not been this comfortable in months. The drugs and care given made her comfortable for the last part of her journey(a blessing). That said in her final days she gasped for breathe at night and I stayed up for 72 hours straight because she was afriad to sleep unless I was right next to her. New Years eve we spent on the palliative care unit on the top floor of the hospital overlooking the river looking at the downtown Christmas lights. I stroked her back in the balcony and prayed with all my heart she would be saved. That memory I will carry the rest of my life. Jan 4, 2013 changed forever. That day half of my body and soul died forever and I would be forever changed as I embarked on the grief journey. Immediately emotionally I fell off a steep cliff and for several months I was in such despair and pain I just wanted to die. I spent the next 2 plus years going for grief counselling, joining support grous and coming here to DS. I struggled to pull my life back together.
Then came the first Christmas. I cried uncontrollably each time I tried to put up the Christmas tree and after 3 attempts it was finally up. I was so numb I went through the motions but was completely disengaged from Christmas. The second year I dreaded the approaching Christmas season as this served as a incredibly painful trigger and brought me back to the rawest most painful part of my grief journey. I suffered countless grief waves as I tried to keep my head above water. As I approach this Christmas my life has shifted dramatically with Gods blessings. My daughter last week brought home a single strand of Christmas lights to hang in our living room. All week I have lite this up in the evening and smiled to myself. This is a sign that Christmas has finally found its way back into our house again. The tree is going up this week. Why so early? Because I was robbed of 3 Christmas's which used to be and is now once again my favorite season. It is Christ's birthday how can I not selebrate that|?
I carry those painful memories of those 10 days which used to send be into total despair. I look back and see Gods hand gently taking care of both of us as we walked through fire. My wife passed just before her airway would have been competely obstructed. The doctor in charge of her care worked tirelessly to keep her comfortable and cried with me. I will always remember that New Years eve on the balcony looking at those lights. I will always remember the gift of comfort that Christmas day evening for my wife. I will always remember the love we shared as we spent the last 10 days of the journey walking side by side. Those memories which represented such painful grief waves I am finally free of. i will celebrate Christmas this year like I havent done in years. God does perform miracles I am proof of that in the journey he has walked with me. My life has changed forever and my love for God has never been stronger. He wants to love us if we will allow him to do so. Gentle hugs to each and everyone one of you as you struggle through this challenging and yet beautiful season. God bless
I dont post on this board often as I am now moderator on the widow and widowers of faith board here at DS. I was however a frequent visitor here in the first 2 years of my grief journey. I hope my story gives some of you hope. For the non-believers in no way do I want to offend. I am just sharing my personal story and want to wish everyone a peaceful Christmas. Gerry
On a positive note, my children and I are doing pretty well. They have developed into wonderful teens and I couldn't be more proud of them. They are my strength and will always be my inspiration.
My wish for everyone here is to get through the holidays with as much comfort loved ones can provide, having support and a listening ear at there side, and recognize that within ourselves lies amazing strength.
The timing of your post could not be better as tonight I pulled out the Christmas tree (Can't do real) for the first time since 2012. It is up and fluffed ready to be decorated in the next few days.
God Bless my friend XOXO Ghislaine
I want to tell you Jerry, that I got up this morning at 4:45 am to get a drink of water. I turned on the lights in the kitchen. There on the floor was a long piece of yarn, red color, John's favorite color, that was placed artistically on the floor, about 8 inches long, with a heart shape at the end. And when I moved last week and moved John's TV off of my desk to be packed, the next morning on my computer screen that was dusty, you know like when you see fog on the bathroom mirror, well he wrote me a message, and it was a straight line with an arrow pointing to where the TV was on my desk, and he wrote on there "T.V"? OMG, I was floored and was amazed that spirits, can communicate with us living. My John's spirit is with me at all times comforting me now. Because the last few months I have really been in an emotional upheaval, begging John's spirit to please guide and help me through this. He came to me. Now I know what to do with my life.
So this morning, I am going to wear John's wedding ring on my finger, now and always, two hearts together in spirit always as he showed me with the heart yarn, and go to the Catholic church, say prayers and renew my faith in my religion, God and life after death. Now I believe that some day John and I will be together again in spirit. Also, I'm going to go to the dollar store and get some Christmas decorations and make a little Christmas in my new apartment. John loved the manger scene. When we lived in California back in the 1980's he used to cut our Christmas tree down. So I will make this a loving, spiritual, religious Christmas to remember in my new beginning after this heartbreaking journey of grief and start remembering my life and good memories with John, instead of that haunted traumatic hospital scene he suffered so much in. And I just feel so bad that John had to suffer so much and I was there when he took his last breath. He is at peace now, I hope, with his Mother, Ida. He always loved so much his mother, she died when he was just a young boy of 13, and he cried for her to the last day of his life on earth.
Thank you so much Gerry, for your gift message of faith and I wish you much peace and happiness and hope too that you have comfort knowing that your Pablita's spirit will always be with you. Have you seen signs of her spiritual presence with you?
Merry Christmas, Gerry.
Kindest thoughts, and prayers.
Nanette
Jeanne
My daughter and granddaughter came to town this weekend and set up my Christmas tree for me since I had no intention of doing so. Since they have returned to their home every time I see the tree my mind goes to happier times and the tears flow. Your post gives me hope that future Christmases may be happier times again, never like they were but better than this one.
Merry Christmas to all.
Dave
I know now that God carried me through those hard feelings. He was there every moment and with his help I survived. Still missing my Don and grateful for the time we shared. Sharon