I'm sure that will happen to me, too. Some out-of-towners don't know that my husband passed in July.
I'll wait until I receive their card, then I will write a short note on the card I'm sending to them letting them know what happened.

Hugs,
Janie

The first Christmas after my husband died (in April) I only sent Christmas cards to those who sent greetings to the house. Our friends were spread out all over the country. Anyone who included my husband in their greetings that Christmas received a plain notecard in a smaller size envelope in return (no mistaking it for a Christmas greeting card) with a regular stamp and a short note thanking them for remembering our family at Christmas, and sharing our sad news. I just couldn't bear to have to deliver such difficult information to others at the holidays. We had many friends in other places we had lived, some just then learning of his passing, so I received more calls than I would have cared to
deal with, but it did include them, and seemed gentler than putting
the information in a greeting card they would have been happily anticipating reading "to catch up."

I didn't do anything. It seemed when I wrote it or spoke it was the hardest to do.

When people would call who didn't know and I had to tell them, their reaction was too much for me to bear. It's been 20 months and when I have to say the words, I have to take a breath because it's so hard to hear.

I loved being Morey's wife, belonging to him and him to me!

Where do we go from here?

Roz

I am expecting this to happen since my husband died just recently and there are many people whom I'm not in touch with who will send their annual Christmas card. I plan to do nothing. I will not be answering or sending any cards this year. I'd like to skip the next 3 weeks completely.

Rita

It has happened to me too. Most of our friends were aware of his passing, but we had a neighbor who moved to the west coast years before. Since they had family here they would stop for a visit while here. I never thought to call them because it had been years since I saw them, but they did know we had downsized and showed up several years after he died. I was uncomfortable and so were they. There's no easy answer, but I like the idea of a short note. Sharon

Thanks so much for the replies I really appreciate them all. Hugs to you all! Julie

My husband died five days ago. I have the opposite problem--he was fairly well-known in our community. I just received my first Christmas card. It was only addressed to me. I guess I should have anticipated this but wow...I was really taken aback.

That is another and equal problem...Christmas,or Easter, or any other major holiday greeting-card time and the mix of those cards and sympathy cards and mass cards and outgoing thank you notes and all thee rest of it....family and friends can really help just by working with you for a time sorting through and addressing envelopes, sorting into thank you piles, personal response piles, greeting card responses to those that you might be responding to and so on....runs to the stationary store, post office , whatever....mostly the moral support and cups of tea! Endless job. Someone to field phone calls and give you a chance to return calls in spaced out batches is also helpful around the holidays....let's you breathe and recoup between conversations. None of this is easy and just because you've done others doesn't seem to make the next call or letter or visitor any easier. Throw in a holiday and overload is an instant given. I recommend heading toward a scenic mountain overlook, river view or wide expanse of sea, lake, or sky for some perspective on a regular basis. In a pinch, a library parking lot, empty little league field, or supermarket parking lot can
be substituted but only if you don't check out anything to read, referee a game, or buy groceries to cook!! Nothing productive should happen on your break!

And above all else...and even harder than having to do all this through all those sad tears....what if no one cared enough to call or write or come see us and let us know they cared? I just have to think back and know how uncomfortable I used to be to have to WRITE and send those awkward cards to the families that had just suffered the loss of someone in THEIR family, or make that call, or go and BE that visitor, and how awkward I always felt, and didn't I cry every time?!! There's a reason my parents didn't name me Grace. But I am a great hugger!! Not indiscriminate, mind you...but when I hug you, you've been hugged by somebody who meant it from her heart....so to everybody in THIS boat where we
are.... {{{HUGS}}}}

Ahh . . . the dreaded Christmas Cards. My first year to face the dilemma of sending out or not. I've decided to send to a few close friends and family members. Keeping it simple this year.

As for those that aren't aware of your loved one's passing . . . I continually come across this not just via mail but in my small town streets . . . The greeting comes and then it's . . "How's Jim, haven't seen him in a while." Hurts to say time and again, "well he's dead". Has been for eight months. My thoughts . . . where were you and didn't your read the Obits or talk to other members of our small town community??

It continue to amaze me how isolated we are in our own little worlds, albeit even a small town, that folks don't step outside of their comfort zone to address another's loss.

Sadness abounds as do unmindful people. Perhaps this wasn't an appropriate response to this post . . . just sharing and venting.

Thanks Julie for giving me the outlet to respond. Hugs to all, D

I knew it was going to happen but guess I still wasn't prepared for the Christmas cards. Received 5 today all addressed to me. Hurt just to read the envelope. Most had a short note saying thinking of you, but one from a couple who are supposed to be very good friends just had their names signed. No note, no how are you doing nothing. Card said wishing you a very Merry Christmas. Are you kidding me? What were they thinking?

Take a deep breath.....that couple, those "very good friends", the "no-noters", probably aren't inviting you to the next holiday dinner party either. They don't realize you may not have been all that anxious to go, either. OR that you may have been HOPING to go, just for a shot at something more normal to do. It was a fail, anyway, if it was too hard for them to write a note because it's too SAD for them to deal with only one of you two. That's the more BLUNT part, the REAL part I'm no longer excusing in people. They need to own up to what they're doing to the people they're doing it to. Like, "Merry Christmas" to you, too. How can they wish us Merry anything when we're just trying to breath? We don't know what to do...either do they; we're just hurt and sad; mad 'cause they don't have to deal with all this sadness and hurting and grieving. Yet. That's the real sad part. I hope downline we remember all this and do a better job for them.

This lesson well learned of what this grief journey is really like has taught me compassion I never thought possible. I will definitely treat those who go through this after me much better than they have treated me. I know that people don't know what to do or say and I am ok with that, but it's pretty easy to just say thinking of you. Even the clueless should be able to figure that out, but my new way of thinking is to forgive rather than harbor ill feelings. So forgive them for they know not what they do ( or in this case don't so)

Oh, so alone, you put it exactly right!...and it's posted right here by the comment box...remain positive and helpful....thank you!! I needed that!
I can't be certain of this, but you think I might be just a little touchy????
Maybe I'll just stop opening the mail for a few days!!