Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Rick51 12/19/2017

Celebrating Christmas this year is like someone taking a potato peeler to my heart. My wife loved it, and I can't even dig out a tree from the crawl space and decorate it. I feel like such a failure, and am absolute void of any Christmas spirit. I know guilt is a useless emotion, but that intellectual knowledge does not prevent me from experiencing it.

nebby 12/19/2017

rick, jean died 6 weeks before last christmas and i dont even remember it at all.

raininseattle 12/19/2017

I avoided Christmas altogether in my first year. There was nothing to celebrate. It felt like a betrayal to put on a happy face.

Rick51 12/19/2017

Thanks rain, but a betrayal in this case can cut both ways.

raininseattle 12/19/2017

I understand, but you can't win either way. So you take care of yourself first.
You may not have the luxury that I have - you may have kids and grandkids that are looking forward to Christmas. If so, then your guilt of not celebrating will be more painful.

nell79 12/19/2017

I'm trying to focus on 'the reason for the season' it's difficult for sure and I have no idea how things will go when the family gathers here on Christmas Eve. I did put up a tree with blue lights, pretty much doing it for the kids and because I think charlie would want me too...he wasn't much for all the decorating and such but he loved the excitement from the kids when they came and noticed the decorations. I also asked that each of the family members bring an ornament that represents a "favorite" thing of poppy's to place on the tree.. I have a santa on a motorcycle ornament and a miller high life beer can ornament-two of his favorites. I also have some clear ornaments that each of us can put a picture of ourself in because we were definitely his favorite of all things. Family-his main concern towards the end of his earthly journey was that his family would be okay. Hope we can be as okay as okay can be for him this Christmas.

haasyadoin 12/20/2017

I did some decorating, but no tree. this is my second Christmas without my husband and nothing I do is making feel in the spirit.

shewearsblack17 12/20/2017

I was going to do a winter village ,since I have a "shared " tree at my friend's house. I was going to make candy. I was...I was...but my son has added to my grief. I lost a daughter-in-law. Not by way of the grave, but he is ending their marriage of less than a year. She is no longer talking to me because he put me in the middle of this mess. I probably should stay off Instagram because I see pics of all these people having elaborate luncheons and going to Christmas concerts, and well, being happy and normal. Jessica just told me goodbye.

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